Easter Eve

The past couple days have been filled with crafting, playing and bible lessons. As it should be right before Easter :)

Sam had a preschool Easter party and then at home we made eggs on our backyard glass door using contact paper and random stuff from my craft box. It was a big hit - Sam ended up making Humpty Dumpty or something - but it kept hands busy!

We also made foam bathtub eggs and dyed some real ones. Sam said he felt like a scientist with the colored cups in front of him :)

Baseball game this morning with the always much anticipated snow cone after, then we made giant bubbles in the yard and "helped" Daddy build a table.

Sweet weekend with nothing exciting to report. Love it!

Wanting What I Have

Something God has been teaching me over and over again is, "My way, not your way." Boo. Not a fun lesson to learn. I've been continually convicted by church and bible studies sharing this message time and again lately - yield to God and He will provide. Follow His path and it will be the right one.

This is never easy. I am a first born child. I have taken a leadership role in almost every activity I've ever been a part of. One of the reasons I am a freelance writer is because I need to be my own boss or else I go crazy. So just TRUSTING God??? Sure, I say it. All of us Jesus Freaks do. But to actually LIVE it - that is the hard part.

There is a lot weighing on my heart right now. We find out Monday if Sam gets into the Kindergarten we've had our eye on for months. I really would like to move, but there isn't a responsible way to do that right now. Frank needs a new car. I want a new couch. We both want more sleep.

We want, we want, we want......

I need a new perspective.

God already knows where Sam is going to school, and wherever that is, there will be reasons.

Our neighborhood is quiet, our neighbors are friendly and we have a warm house that we can afford to live in during a time where people are losing their homes left and right.

Frank's car continues to run like a champ even though it's over 12 years old.

When we all pile onto our current couch to watch a movie, the lack of space makes for a total cuddlefest!

Sleep.....well, the Big Guy and I are still negotiating on that one. But really, my life is so good and I am so blessed.

Less Facebook, More Living

Imagine a world before Facebook. Yep. I went there.

I was spending time with the Lord a few weeks ago, and felt a very clear confirmation to spend some time away from the blue-n-white ball & chain, and to start focusing on other things instead. On what sort of things? Oh I don't know.....just off the top of my head...

- BEING with my children instead of posting photos of them for others to "be" with them
- SOAKING myself with the Word, instead of sleepily reading my bible 5 minutes before I fall asleep after an hour of Candy Crush.
- Crafting, baking, cheering at Sam's baseball games without phone in hand, reading BOOKS, and WRITING letters.

This is going to hurt, people. I think that God is totally laughing his heavenly socks off right now because remember He told me to hide in Him more and be less connected weeks ago. And now that Lent is almost over, I am going to give something up.

I always have to do things the hard way.

I will also be blogging daily. Writing is my first love - and heck, my profession - but I really miss the not-getting-paid-for-it pastime of writing. Expressing, crafting poetry, hindsight realizations and everything in between.

So expect me here daily, or at least as daily as my life allows!

Is it stupid to give up Facebook in the midst of promotions for Alice in Wonderland and our summer camps over at Royal Stage? Oh, probably. But I happen to enjoy a challenge. And I REALLY enjoy the feeling of obedience to God...I don't really experience that nearly enough these days.

Worth It.

So as you all know, my life is crazy. I sacrifice a lot of stuff - like watching TV and actually getting to see my best friends on a regular basis - in order to get everything done. But it's so worth it.

I don't normally post photos of the outreach side of Royal Stage. There are so many security issues - we have rescued prostitutes, abuse victims, etc. in the studio all the time, as well as offsite when we take RS on the road and minister to people where they're at. Even with my Fort Knox-worthy Facebook settings (ha. We ALL know Facebook security is totally make believe!), there are instances where posting a photo can put one of our amazing participants in danger.

Lame.

BUT! A week or so ago, I had to miss our regular Tuesday outreach in downtown Sac and my amazing friend Ashley took some incredible photos of this precious weekly time that are not only adorable, but postable!!!

"Everybody get into groups of one." I love my pastor :)

It breaks my heart and hurts my face to think that Candace is moving to Africa in May!!!!!

Shemaya is from Baltimore so the kids think she is "street." :)

Cuteness.

Sweet K. One of my favorite kids.

It Goes On

I had a vivid, loud dream about it all last night. That's probably why I am so tired today - dreaming so intensely for something that will never be true again...it's exhausting.

I didn't wake up crying this time, but still in a stupor of grief over it all. Will my entire life be this way? Does everything have to exist in some strange subconscious fish tank at night so I can cope and get along with the day?

Geeeeez. :/

But today was different. It rained. I ate chili cheese fries for breakfast. I laughed with a friend. I got some quiet time. For the first time in a LONG time, I think i lived "normal."

The Lord doused me in His grace today. Every moment today felt like a step forward. Felt like I belonged places again. Felt like life's shoe fit.

Healing is coming slowly....so very slowly but it's so welcomed. My dreams may be loud but in reality it suddenly feels like it's all going to be okay. Like Providence has granted me permission to walk away from the noise of the terrible past.

Ill take that freedom. I won't walk, I will run.

Continue to cover me, Lord.

Happy St. Easter Day

Today is St Patrick's Day, but I'm German and Italian and Frank is Bohemian and Viking or something....so outside of the adorable shamrock raviolis I am making for dinner, we don't really care :)

We spent the afternoon at the Longs' house. Their house is one of our kids' favorite places to be - and Danielle and Micah (sweetest teenagers in the world,FYI) forgoed St Patrick's Day and had an Easter Egg hunt with Sam and Charlotte.

And they had lots of other fun too! I love living near homes where the kids can RUN!

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Sam's first baseball game :) So far this is what we have recorded as Sam's baseball career.

Team: North Highlands-Antelope Pony league, Shetlands (4-6 yr olds) - Red Sox!

He loves batting, and he's actually a great hitter. Okay, that's my mommy bias. He is a capable hitter :)

He hates outfield. He was placed in center field and the tears erupted. He's 4. He likes to hit things.

He is a HUGE fan of the post-game tradition where all the boys get snow cones. That makes center field worth it.

Are You a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?

We started our spring session in Sacramento with the inner city kiddos on Tuesday night. It was a huge blessing to have NINE of us! Usually there are only a few and so having so much support was truly amazing.

The kids were the kids - we fed them pizza and they wrote "I hate you" on the pizza box and pointed it at one of the volunteers. They called each other all sorts of vulgarities and got angry when we told them what to do.

But despite all that - they were SO different than when we first worked with them! They have come so far - they TRUST us. They asked every single volunteer if they were coming back next week - they crave that reassurance.

They want to know if we are good or bad - have we come to help them or hurt them?

I left feeling angry and upset and I couldn't figure out why at first. Then it hit me that I was upset with the thought God may have given us a corner of the world where we are filling a need no one else is....which is an honor, but where is everybody? I'm not talking churches - I mean community groups, youth programs, etc - why are these Eliza Street kids just forgotten?

One girl was stiff as a board walking down the street with me in broad daylight - I was completely unaware that she was scared to walk on her own street. Another girl told me how she never saw her mom - she worked 7am-11pm at two jobs, seven days a week and so this girl felt responsible for raising her siblings.

I look at their anger and their lack of support, and combine that with the fact Sacramento is currently second in the nation for cities with underage sex trafficking.....and seeing the girls at our studio who have been rescued from that.....I don't want our sweet Tuesday night kids to go down that road.

There is so much work to do - and right now it feels we are the only drop in the bucket. It's hard. Challenging and rewarding - but hard too.

I Like These Adventures Best

Tuesday we kick off our spring session of Sacramento Royal Stage, and we are all so excited.

These kids are angry, vicious, neglected, disrespectful, suspicious, sassy and some of my favorite people ever. They are what makes the Royal Stage section of my heart beat. I am angry at my calendar that I will likely not get to be downtown many Tuesdays this spring working with them - but I am even more grateful and overjoyed that such an incredible team of people will be.

We needed a location outside of the dream center - we want this to grow, we want it to be something they take ownership of no matter where they are from - and God provided the perfect place. A dilapidated warehouse literally a block away. I am totally in love with this run down space that is totally ours for Tuesday nights and basically any other time we need it.

So I show up with cash in hand (and we are getting an INCREDIBLE deal, thanks God!) and literally walk into a dark lobby that reeks of cigarettes to meet up solo with a 6 foot gargantuan black dude I've never met before on the outskirts of downtown Sacramento.

Smart Tam, really smart. My heart started to pound with nerves because I am never certain if I'm making the right decision. Are we ready to be responsible for a second space? Will the kids show up on Tuesday and make it worth it? What the heck God?

The big guy (the warehouse owner, not the Big Guy aka God) smiles at me and it is a total smile of relief.

"You have no idea what a blessing this is. Our electricity just got shut off and I couldn't pay for it. I am so glad you found us here. Feel free to come early, late whatever you need to."

A space to teach dance to inner city kids AND help someone out who's struggling to make ends meet. I love my life. Thanks Jesus, for the realty hook up!

                                          It's brick!!!!! (if you don't know about my brick infatuation...well...another time, another blog).

                                          Crappy blurry pic - but hello beautiful! I love your loft!

I love God's provision. :)

I was awakened this morning by an allergy-attacked Sam in my face like a cliche church "close talker." You know the kind - you back up, they step forward. You take one of those Mother May I giant steps backward - but they are right on ya. How do I get invited to Club Oblivious?

Anyway, I digress. So Sam.

"MOMMY. It's morning, why are you still sleeping?" And then ACHOO - an impressive sea spray of spit and snot showered onto my arm and face. Okay. Dangnabbit. I'm awake.

I threw my exhaustion and anger at the sun rising into being the BEST DANG MOM IN THE FREAKING UNIVERSE. I played with those kids, took them to Walgreens, packed a picnic lunch and ran them ragged at the park. We swung, we slid, we blew dandelions and discovered a pond of minnows. At 2pm they were begging to go to bed.

Victory.

                                         Man, don't you want to just be her? Little Miss I Sleep with 5 Blankets, all my BFFs and a beverage.....

                                        Precious boy. He's gonna pee on our couch any moment....

Humbled and Blessed

I really need to sit down and write a proper update letter on Royal Stage. I will. Eventually. Life is so very busy that I struggle with that balance between being grateful all the time for our wonderful support system, and actually carving out the time to truly express it to them. So - if you feel lacking in thank yous - THANK YOU!! I love you so much and I am trudging my way through more etiquette-friendly modes of correspondence.

We were selected by the City of Sacramento to participate in this year's Arts Day of Giving. If you've ever wanted to give financially to Royal Stage, please do not. Yes, you read that right. Don't support us!

Instead, please take a quick moment to fill out this form - and then support us on April 29. The city will match your donation, and it will go so much further. We are SO blessed to be a part of this!

Other great updates:

- It looks like we are going to have FOUR summer camps this year! Yowzas. But right now we have two scheduled for Roseville, one for downtown Sacramento and one for Newcastle/Lincoln. So exciting!

- On Tuesday, we are restarting our inner city arts program. We have our own space this time around for this in Sacramento, and 100% of our participants are on welfare, come from abuse situations, etc. It's a tough crowd - but they are such incredible kids. Truly. Like we said at our meeting last night - they are challenging AND amazing. There's always two sides :)

- We were invited to come take over the midweek program at a local church and we're teaching illusionism and hip hop dance. It's ridiculous! Love it.

- We continue to teach dance at a group home for young women overcoming trauma and addiction, and continue to teach acting improv to a group of girlies who have been rescued from sex trafficking. These outreach programs are so powerful. It's seriously my dream coming true.

- Heart of Arts was so much fun, and we are now in full swing for Alice in Wonderland rehearsals.  We perform in April at an incredible theater in Sacramento - we're looking for groups we can give free tickets to....children's homes, halfway houses, etc. - if you know of anyone, PLEASE let me know!

- We've seen so many personal breakthroughs back in Roseville. It's been sad to see some people go, but the Lord has brought forth so many incredible and enthusiastic teens & adults that are just impacting this ministry tremendously. So grateful for them!

It's an amazing time, people. I'm overwhelmed by all there is to do - but God is so nice and so good.

Please consider filling out an intention to partner with us form!

My kids are cool.

A tball superstar and a cuddle bug. I love these little beings!