A Million Little Mommies

One of the reasons there was basically no flipping way I could be surprised about the gender of baby C is because I direct a dance program where the majority of the participants are female. I was being asked every day practically what the gender was.

I've discovered through the past couple of years that no one quite loves little kids like teenage girls. When Sam goes to rehearsal with me, he has a million little mommies doting on him. An unlimited supply of playmates at his fingertips. It's pretty great.

Thanks, Nicole, for taking these pics last week :) And really, as excited as the younger girls in Royal Stage are about C being a girl.....I really cannot imagine them loving anyone more than the way they love on my little boy :)

The Nest

So with unrepentant pride in my typing fingers, I would like to declare that it is January 15th and my New Year's Resolutions are going awesome. I have made it more than two weeks and the victory is MINE!

Two weeks....guess that isn't really much to brag about. But I am happy about how much more I've been digging into God's word, reading just in general instead of watching TV, and I have a meal plan to cook at home every weeknight for this month and all of February - so excited to try all the amazing new recipes my friends sent me!

I like plans. I like lists. It makes me feel more in control and frees me from battles with depression and anxiety. That's why I'm starting small on a big nesting project. I'm going to dedicate my time to 2 rooms of our home each week until it is completely organized, clean, and clutter free. I'm not only doing this so I feel better, but because of them.



I'm excited to post my progress, as I start to take more pride in a home I have grumbled about way too much. Sure, there was a lady walking around in a bathrobe and slippers smoking a cigarette this week....but it's still an okay neighborhood and I think our house has a bit of potential.

Time to get out of the doldrums about it, and make things better and more beautiful. Because life IS beautiful and we're called to make it better! :)

Enough sap. Pictures soon. <3

Ohhhhhhhh Gabba Gabba

Yo Gabba Gabba is brain-damaging my child at worst, and at best, teaching him drunken dancing way earlier in life than any frat party could possibly reach him.



Sam's idols. Ever seen pics of hysterical teenage girls watching the Beatles in the 50s? Same thing. Trust me.

FYI, I am well-aware that I sound like a mean, pushy stage mom at the beginning of this video. But this is life with a 2-year-old....they do something a million times every day, and then when you try to exploit them on film, they don't cooperate. We would never have documentation of anything cute without a little coercing. He is all about the spontaneity - it's tough to catch him in the act. This was my 3rd attempt at recording him. Please do not judge me :)

Anyway, I present to you, Sam's interpretation of various animals in dance form with the help of his beloved Yo Gabba Gabba video.



He's a free spirit, this little one.

Oh, and if you've never had the great privilege of watching Yo Gabba Gabba, here are some excerpts. Don't watch before bedtime, or else you'll be haunted in your sleep, trust me.



They also get a guest star each week. Go, Frodo, go!

Run and Not Grow Weary.....

Dear world.

I am tired.

Not physically really, as I'm loving the 2nd trimester of pregnancy and getting things done!

But emotionally and spiritually, I am so stinking exhausted.

I do not know how to motivate people to step up when they aren't. I don't like the way we can have 30+ committed, awesome dancers, and the glaring minority who can act very blase and irresponsible kind of brings the whole group down.

I am at a loss as to how to do my part to get an audience for our upcoming performances when my friends and family are beyond sick of coming to dance events. Who can blame them? I've been doing this for awhile. And yet, it's one of the most important things to me, and they are the most important people to me, so doesn't it make sense to want to share it with them?

It can be disheartening to pour years into an individual spiritually, only to have them run off and disown all they've learned and experienced because it's the easy thing to do. It can make me very sad.

I am tired of the way sometimes people will come into our little fold, and spend the majority of the time looking down their noses at us. The attitude of an elitist does not fare well in ministry life. Jesus was far from elite. And he sure as heck did not care about perfection and esteem....and I am proud that we DO regularly perfect the things He DOES care about - love, respect, and a safe environment to grow.

I also love the victories. And the fellowship. And how we just have so much fun. I love the salvations that happen, the skills that are developed, the lives that DO change in a permanent way.

But it's hard. And I'm tired today. My heart flip flops daily. I don't know how to earn the money. I send out support requests...some are answered with a surefire commitment. The majority are straight up ignored.

I don't know how to gather an audience now that there is no home church ready to catch us. I am confident that this is the right direction, as we need to, in all times and seasons, be under godly, biblical leadership. But making the right choice really can make things seem more difficult sometimes. And kind of scary.

This is small time, I know. And I am even smaller. But I have a big God. So it will work out, right?

".....but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Boy Versus Girl

Ever since we announced the upcoming arrival of baby #2, it feels as if everyone has voiced their opinion Usually, the women INSIST I have a girl, or else there is no possible way my life will be complete. The men tend to put it all in sports terms - will biology even out the teams for Tammy, or will Frank have a winning streak? No matter what people have said, about 85% of it I have to force myself to smile graciously and act excited along with them as they tell their opinion. Sometimes over and over again.

Oh, little girls are WONDERFUL. You CANNOT miss out on all the cute clothes out there!
Oh, little girls are such DRAMA. You're well off with boys.
Oh, little boys are so SWEET. They love their mommies like none other. (this is true, btw) :)
Oh, little boys are TERRORS. They are always in trouble and forget about owning anything nice!

I too, have indulged in all these thoughts. Wanted to run out and buy oversized hair ribbons and yet also secretly hoping for another boy because my mother and I had a really, really tough time until I was an adult. Sometimes we still do.

So, as of today, here is how our family stands. A 2-year-old boy and a girl determined on a 16-week ultrasound. Sam started out as a girl too, so I have my doubts. And with those doubts, I go into our big anatomy scan and high-risk appt this Friday morning, and we'll hopefully get another peek at gender and solve this once and for all ;) The critics will have to shush, and I can begin to settle into the idea of what will be likely the last sweetie added to our family.

And this I know. If I have a girl, great. If I have a boy, also great. I was devastated when I found out Sam was a boy. And now, 2 yrs later, I cannot imagine life without the added fun and exhaustion a little guy brings. Sam is my light, and he is hopelessly devoted to his mommy. I cannot picture myself ever having a girl now. Like, at all.

But this I also know. My prayer is not for a specific gender. It is not for health (why bother, we didn't get that last time!). My prayer is specifically to have the blessing and ability to raise my two children up in a godly, solid way that will affect generations. Sound cheesy? Likely. But it's my truth.

Boy(s) - I am praying daily I can teach you how to be gentle, self-controlled, and loving. Courteous toward everyone, and respectful toward girls - who will always be confusing and difficult to understand from your perspective. I am praying you will learn to be responsible, solid in faith and decisions, and family-oriented like your father. Slow to speak and quick to think deeply. I am praying you will learn from me to be passionate about whatever you choose to do with your life, value good friends like family, and allow yourself to listen to God, even when it's really difficult.

Girl - I am praying daily I can teach you how to be gracious in tough circumstances, and that you'll value education and career as much as baking and crafting, and vice versa. I am praying you will stay away from gossip, slander, and rejection, and that I will be wise enough when the time comes to direct your heart toward the Lord as your first love. I am praying you learn a little bit of biting humor from your father (enough to keep up with the boys), and that you will also have his intelligence and open-mindedness to all people. I am praying you'll make friends as easily as I do, but also learn the importance of quiet time alone to discover who you are without the trillion influences of this world. I pray you will always be strong, and feel 100% loved and supported by your family so you never need to seek out other things as a reaction to consistent disappointment.

Whatever we get, is what we'll have. And I'll be blessed with either. So will my life suck if I have another boy OR if I have a girl? Nope! It's exactly what God (and um, Frank's sperm), have decided to trust me with! <3

One One One One

Happy 2011!

I am not one for New Year's resolutions, or even ringing in the New Year with much celebration. Frank's serious side has worn off on me, and reminds me it's "just a day." But for some reason, saying goodbye to 2010 was exceptionally joyful, bittersweet, and a relief all at once.

It was a good year.

It was a growth year.

It was a year where I learned more than probably all other years combined + my college degree + all the useless crap I learn about all 800+ of my friends on Facebook on a daily basis. It was a mind full, for sure.

2010 Lessons Learned and Experiences Had

**If you will be on a flight longer than 3 hours, t's a good idea to get your toddler a seat on an airplane even if he is still young and little enough to sit on your lap. In July we journeyed to Hawaii and back with sweaty, sleep-drool covered cheeks on our shoulders, little toes trying their best to jam up our nostrils, and overall...we learned what it felt like to be a bed with a very restless and bored sleeper. Not fun. Thank your bed today.

**I also learned like there is nothing like traveling with my family. I've been all over the world with friends and total strangers, but going on trips with my family this year has been so much fun. Experiencing the joy and wonder of the world that can only be seen through the eyes of a 2-year-old, and sharing it with my best friend (husband), was so special and incredible. From day trips to vacations and adventures, it is such an honor and blessing to experience all the fun in life with this little alien that has come to live with us.

**Be brave and trust God. In all circumstances, be brave and trust God. Even when you know it's going to hurt. Even when you know it's filled with the unknown. Follow what your Dad (and that means God, not my earthly father. Take his advice, and you'll be in loads of trouble!) calls you toward, and everything will turn out amazing. I learned a lot through this process, and it was well worth it.

**We found a new church in the middle of the year. We love, cherish, and adore our Harvest family, but God was moving us on, and it became really clear in late spring. So off we went - and it has been really rewarding. God has blessed our ministry tremendously, he has brought us into solid, meaty teaching on God's word with no holding back, a pastor we respect and trust, and new opportunities for fellowship and blessing that we could never have anticipated. It's so great to get to still maintain friendships and love from your old life, while jumping fully into your new one. Best of both worlds. Beautiful.

**Learn to cook. It will make your life easier and your family happier. This was the year that the wild, take-out loving Tam was finally domesticated. I'm learning to cook, and it's been fun. And even better yet, no one has died. You cannot replace the family dinner table, and it is better for some reason without bags and cartons scattered about as your centerpiece. My biggest winners of the year:

• Mexican Scramble
• Enchiladas (secret recipe, sorry)
• Catalina Cranberry Chicken
• Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cupcakes
• Fruity Chicken Couscous Salad

**Eat what makes you happy. Sometimes. Okay, usually. Life's too short to go out eating a celery stalk, okay? Have fondue parties with your favorite friends. Have pizza or chinese food for breakfast. Eat dessert every night. But if your pants get tight, pull in the reigns a bit and have some celery. :) And take your vitamins.

**Cherish and enjoy God's blessings. Every single one of them. Never take the small things for granted. After going to a party and then texting some good friends, I spent the last ten minutes of 2010 talking to God. Thanking him for everything. Confessing what hurt me and what I may have done that hurts others. But mostly I thanked him. 2010 was a hard year, and I am glad to see it go. But it was a really good one too. I got my priorities straight. Learned who my true friends were. Found new ways to enjoy my family. Grew closer than ever to my Lord.

Really, what more could a girl ask for?