What Goes Up Must Come Down

I've made a commitment to be genuine, because what good could possibly come out of staying quiet in the midst of a struggle? Silence so quickly seals us off from ever helping others - finding that one person who might say, "I feel this way, too. Let's not be alone, together." 

This has been a long, long road. Have you ever been driving in the country after dark, where you can only see a few feet in front of you? Have you ever had that anxious pause in your throat as you keep moving forward but really have no idea what's up ahead or how long the road is going to be? 

I'm so tired of that cloud of dread and anticipation, and I want very much to pull over off of life's highway and just.....stop.

But then, God's Word. It gets me everytime.

Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don’t have. Just dreaming about nice things is meaningless—like chasing the wind. Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there’s no use arguing with God about your destiny. (Ecclesiastes 6:9-10 NLT)

I have so much, don't I? 

Do I really have the right to protest against a heavenly daddy who has far from forgotten about me? 

I may not be running forward, but I can crawl. When my mind is raging and every ounce of my spirit is urging - no, outright daring me - to give up on this life, there is still hope. I'm still in the race. I'm far from winning it, but I can choose to stay on the track. 

This is a maddening thing. Many people have walked away, and certainly more will during my lifetime. When you have a legion of love and support around you and yet all you can feel is isolation and despair, some will break rank. I've been beyond blessed, but this crazy just won't let me feel that way sometimes. Often. Usually. 

But God's army of angels will never scatter. The commitment of Christ's blood will never dilute and the King will remain seated on the throne no matter how I happen to feel each day. 

So just be brave, sorry spirit. Take heart in knowing that the struggles have gotten  fewer and further between. You can cry out to God - no limitations or expiration date. 

And as long as you keep moving forward - even if it means pulling yourself along by your fingernails - the darkness will, once again, make way for the Light.