I'm Terrible at Goodbyes

I am simply awful at goodbyes. My mother hoards memories through things. She hates to throw anything away. I've passionately rebelled against this as an adult, purging things as soon as we don't use them - sometimes to a point of detriment when we end up having to repurchase something I gave away to stave off clutter. 

But when it comes to people and buildings, I'm just a hot mess. I have dreamed since I was six years old of the opportunity to purchase my maternal grandmother's home in the Bay Area. I still drive by it on occasion to see if it's for sale. My sister has never been there, as my grandma moved in with us before she was born. To me, this is terribly sad, even though her life is obviously fine without it. 

There are people in my life who have truly treated me horribly. Like, left lasting damage. And yet, I don't think I've ever been able to cut someone out of my life and not feel desperately guilty. 

Oh, nostalgia. It's my weakness. 

So, not surprisingly, saying goodbye to our dance studio on Wednesday was hard. I didn't think I would care. God has provided us with an amazing new space that is so much better. The ministry has growing room, a safe environment and a functional layout - everything I dreamed. 

But you guys, I got a little emotional as I locked up the old one for the last time. 

We got the studio 3 years ago with virtually no money.  A manager at Home Depot caught wind of what we were doing and suddenly we had a $5000 gift card and a legion of volunteers renovating the building for us. It was so incredibly humbling. 

Charlotte practiced learning to walk in that studio. She also wouldn't stop crying when we were live on Good Day Sacramento. 

Dozens of young people have danced in that space. Many taking their very first dance steps. Some have rehearsed award winning choreography. Some participated in a very awkward photo shoot for a magazine. 

All have laughed until they've cried. Some have cried until they smiled. 

It was difficult to leave. 

It's just a building again now. The floor is at the new studio, the photos have been replaced on new walls. It's a shell of what it was for the past 3 years. 

I walked through the old studio after we had cleaned up the last of it, and just talked to God. 

I thanked Him for all the amazing miracles we had seen. For all the incredible ways He provides. I confessed my very human frustration that people from my past who told me I would certainly fail would now see the vacant space and conclude we went under, even though we are actually soaring across town. I trusted him with my fears of the new space, my worries about new, different obstacles. I thanked Hom for already being at the new studio with open arms. 

It was hard to give that key back. We have some precious memories on Douglas Blvd. 

But.......

Onward.