I am freaking out. Correction: I was freaking out.
I know my ministry is small, but sometimes I just still look around awestruck at all God has done. Through my fear and hurt and years of doubting myself and Him, He still chose to bless me regardless.
Hi, I'm dancing in a studio that people told me I'd never manage to get, and the whole stinking thing was basically handed to us on a heavenly platter of free flooring, mirrors and the barre is from freaking Joel Osteen's church - and I don't even understand how this happened or why I get to be a part of it.
It's small but it's big to me. I don't ever want to minimize the fact God has given us so so much and I want to really maximize the fact that despite our fear and self-loathing...He can still use us. I am so blessed to see Him use others that come into the studio every week.
I am learning not to be a runner. I still have my emotional running shoes on, but I'm trying hard to learn not to dash off the moment something disappointing happens. And I am determined to accept that God places value in me. It's still a work in progress, but I know I need to become confident in his love once and for all....for two very special reasons....
So the prayer of the upright that delights God comes from a heart that at first feels precarious in the presence of God. It trembles at the hearing of God’s Word, because it feels so far from God’s ideal and so vulnerable to his judgment and so helpless and so sorry for its failings.
This is just what David said in Psalm 51:17, “The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” The first thing that makes a prayer acceptable to God is the brokenness and humility of the one who prays.
I am definitely broken. And in admitting that, I've found strength.
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