Sam's school field trip. Nothing else was allowed to enter my mind today other than the fact it was Sam's last field trip of first grade and I was going to throw myself into mommyhood on roller skates.
The rink DJ tried to get the kids to do the hokey pokey.
It looked like this.
Okay kids, really? What in the world? Where's your circle? Why isn't your right foot in?
I looked over at Sam, my child who always demands and requires order and structure from the world. He was careening around in a circle-like formation, struggling to stay upright. He had gotten completely overwhelmed with an attempt to "turn himself around" and was quickly breaking rank like the rest.
It shouldn't have been like this. The kids should've been in a cute little circle, putting their whole selves in and providing their adoring mothers with copious photo ops.
Of course in reality, the whole thing was hilarious and not bothersome in the least, but it stood as an illustration. I expected them to do one thing, and it ended up being completely different.
June 3, 2015.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
I walked out to our driveway this evening and was greeted by the most perfect, breezy weather. Exactly what I grew up with - weather I love and miss. In Sacramento, in June.
I went to a place tonight that I never would've thought I was meant to go to. If you had asked five-years-ago Tam where she would find her community and her heart, the answer would've been found in a different town with different people and different goals.
Five years ago, I didn't have her:
As I've written before, her middle name is June totally on purpose. She is my joy. I wanted a daughter so much, but after we had Sam I completely put it out of my mind and told everyone we were going to have two more boys.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Five years ago, I was terrified of a vision God had given me to found a non-profit that defied an environment I had been raised up in, both physically and spiritually.
I jumped and it turned out alright ;)
I live in Sacramento. It wasn't supposed to be like this. We were going to move down to Orange County, or back to the Bay Area. But now suddenly it's been 10 years and I love so much about this city. The downtown arts culture, the rich California history, our non-chain restaurants, the grocery store clerk that notices our kids growing and changing. I love Sam's school, our neighbors across the street and the loud, inappropriate Italian man next door. I love that we can swim every day, our massive public library system and being near my husband's family.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. It shouldn't be like this, right?
But really, it should never have been MY way in the first place.
I mean, look at the plans I had. Would I have been happier living in the Bay Area with an exhilarating job at a publication in the city, commuting home to spend time my three sons? Maybe. But I doubt it.
God had something different. Something humble compared to others in the world, but filled with riches for me personally.
Never let the good things in life take you away from the best.
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