Pray Boldly, Pray Always

I am a bold introvert. I know that sounds strange - but it's true.

When I'm with a group of people I'm comfortable with and know well, I often to my own detriment say whatever is on my mind, and that is ALWAYS a lot of stuff. But at the end of the day, I am most comfortable at home, curled up with a blanket, being ALONE. But since the majority of my life I am with friends, family, church people or my two little under 5 superstars, I suppose at the end of the day I desire community more than solitude.

Which is why Frank laughs in my face whenever I tell him I am a shy person. He says if I were truly an introvert, I wouldn't have to explain that I was. Fine. Whatever. I suppose I need people to thrive.

That's why this year has been so difficult. Community has crumbled.

If I had a dollar for every time someone has looked me in the eyes and said "I love Royal Stage so much. I want to do this and that and this place is the best thing, etc." - I would be incredibly rich. I would pay in cash for the building next door I've been trying to get, build a theater and bam. done. baddabing.

But people leave - and a LOT of people have left. They always leave for good reasons - I cannot think of a single person who has left because they were angry or unhappy - life just always moves people on. Our extended family has gotten so much larger, and our immediate family has grown to include new faces - but it's still so hard. I struggle between two sides - the side of myself that desires high quality shows that tell the community - look at us! We can dance! We do it well! AND we love Jesus! Versus the side of me that gets the sheer joy of watching people come in and shine, to learn something they never thought they could do before - and to heal personally in the process. I've seen girls come in and leave ready to move mountains.

But what do I want? What does GOD want? I don't know.

What Currently Rocks:
-We have a great group of leaders and participants
- We have our own building and God has provided ALL our needs
- We are working on Alice in Wonderland, which is the coolest show ever
- We have a group that truly is accepting, loving and making a difference

What Currently Sucks: 
- I'm tired of people reminding me not all of our dancers are amazing. I'm tired of people suggesting that few are. Technique is important. So are hearts. Dance bodies last for a short time. Our souls are eternal.
- I'm tired of people swearing they are dedicated and then leaving for something better.
- I'm tired of a world where churches are so insular, it's impossible to even make an appointment to speak with a pastor in many instances.

My life motto is "If it's important, you'll make the time." Few seem to agree with me.

Wow. Do I sound like a non-profit director or what?

Anyway, all this to say, I made the realization the other day that I AM an introvert. But only when it comes to God.

I don't pray boldly. I fear He has much more important agenda items than my little arts ministry. So I pray the same way I ask a waiter for a new cup of water after my children have managed to flood the tablecloth with the current one. I'm embarrassed. I am timid. I'm slightly annoyed. I get my glass of water, but am still left with the mess.

The other day during my prayer time, God gave me three scriptures. I know, I know. You know what I mean - He didn't make a post-it note fall from the sky or anything, but three scriptures came instantly to my insignificant brain. They all had to do with people coming boldly to kings, to people who straight up scared them. About holding out for God's best and not being afraid to offend, to be a nuisance, etc. Then someone I adore sent me a message basically discussing the same thing.

What Will No Longer Suck About Me: 
- I will pray boldly
- I will pray often
- I will not let go until God blesses us (Genesis 32:22-31 - LOVE IT) 
- I will remember I have never had a reason to NOT trust God. That God has never NOT provided. And I refuse to let others convince me that just because my calling doesn't align with THEIR agenda, it doesn't mean it does not still align with the Lord's.

So here are my bold prayers. I'd appreciate those who are able, to pray with me:
 - favor with local churches. We need more people to see and experience what we do.
- relationship with local dancers. The harvest is plenty, the workers are few and that just stinks.
- that I will not be so strongly affected by those who once thought RS was important, and now no longer do. My faith does not come from people - it comes from Christ.
- that I will be forever thankful for the legions of people who are already here - Sunday evening was such a beautiful testament to that. We are so loved.

God, you are incredible. Help me with my boldness. I want to be a focused tiger in this good fight, not a distracted puppy.