I had a vivid, loud dream about it all last night. That's probably why I am so tired today - dreaming so intensely for something that will never be true again...it's exhausting.
I didn't wake up crying this time, but still in a stupor of grief over it all. Will my entire life be this way? Does everything have to exist in some strange subconscious fish tank at night so I can cope and get along with the day?
Geeeeez. :/
But today was different. It rained. I ate chili cheese fries for breakfast. I laughed with a friend. I got some quiet time. For the first time in a LONG time, I think i lived "normal."
The Lord doused me in His grace today. Every moment today felt like a step forward. Felt like I belonged places again. Felt like life's shoe fit.
Healing is coming slowly....so very slowly but it's so welcomed. My dreams may be loud but in reality it suddenly feels like it's all going to be okay. Like Providence has granted me permission to walk away from the noise of the terrible past.
Ill take that freedom. I won't walk, I will run.
Continue to cover me, Lord.
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