2013 was the best year ever. Seriously. It was filled with tremendous challenges and searing emotional/mental struggle - but it will go down in history as one of my most favorite years.
Why?
Because through adversity, I learned who I really am.
I had some of my best talks with God.
I stared past pain right in the face and God told me I'm a princess. I am the daughter of a KING. And that's not me being stuck up - you are too! We are all royalty if we choose to step into the throne room.
I wouldn't change a moment of 2013 because it showed me that with every "I can't" that was uttered....in the end, I could. I did. I will.
This is the year God tore off my pride big time. When I stopped caring what other people think (mostly. I'm still a work in progress).
2013 was a time where I learned what's important, and that my life holds value. Another year passed where the people I used to love the most continued their silence and judgment. But it was also a year where I learned that there's people who love me unconditionally and want me around.
This year was filled to the brim with pain, disappointment and fear. Which, as it turns out, was simply a solid road to healing, hope and peace.
When the calendar turns over to 2014 in 14ish hours, will all my troubles be gone? Will I be free from the things I've asked God to take away and He hasn't? Nope, probably not.
But I WILL go into the New Year sure of who I am and who my Daddy is. And that's totally enough for this girl.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Overcome Evil With Good
Don't be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good....
Romans is my absolute favorite book in the bible. I think it's because I'm such a "do something" sort of girl, and it's full of that sort of stuff, plus a lot of serious spiritual butt-kicking.
I started to feel like total garbage last night. I've been sick for weeks and just started to feel really down about some things. Sometimes no matter how busy I make myself, or how many friends I have, or how close I am to God - there are times I just have to deal with the fact I have depression and panic disorders, and I have them pretty bad.
But tonight as this stupid darkness insists on following me around as I try to savor what's left of the weekend, I know the bible commands us to overcome evil with good. Even when that evil is just in my mind, I can fight it with real, tangible things that I am so thankful for.
As the year draws to a close in a couple of days, here are 33 things (2013....20+13...I know, clever) ;) that I'm thankful for. If you're stuck in darkness too, why not make your own list?
Romans is my absolute favorite book in the bible. I think it's because I'm such a "do something" sort of girl, and it's full of that sort of stuff, plus a lot of serious spiritual butt-kicking.
I started to feel like total garbage last night. I've been sick for weeks and just started to feel really down about some things. Sometimes no matter how busy I make myself, or how many friends I have, or how close I am to God - there are times I just have to deal with the fact I have depression and panic disorders, and I have them pretty bad.
But tonight as this stupid darkness insists on following me around as I try to savor what's left of the weekend, I know the bible commands us to overcome evil with good. Even when that evil is just in my mind, I can fight it with real, tangible things that I am so thankful for.
As the year draws to a close in a couple of days, here are 33 things (2013....20+13...I know, clever) ;) that I'm thankful for. If you're stuck in darkness too, why not make your own list?
- Guilt-free naps when it's pouring rain outside
- Charlotte's huge deep blue eyes.
- Sam's smile.
- Friendships that pick up right where they were left off.
- Two reliable, drama-free cars.
- Sushi. Churros.
- The Internet (usually).
- Job 22:21 and Numbers 23:19
- Deep, meaningful discussions in hot tubs (I don't know why but it always happens!)
- Disneyland when it first opens
- Reading or journaling in my hammock
- Hot pink sunsets that take me by surprise
- Alone time
- The cuteness and oldness of our church building. I seriously love it and would be sad if it were ever remodeled.
- Oversized sweaters, leggings, boots.
- The first ten minutes after a Royal Stage show
- Catching my children being genuinely kind to each other unprompted
- Handwritten letters/cards. Extra credit if they come in the mail.
- People responding promptly to phone calls/emails
- Spontaneous weekend trips
- Agenda-free weekends (rare.)
- Really good worship music
- A 100% clean house
- Autumn
- One-on-one quality time
- That my husband works hard so I can pursue my dreams
- Peach smoothies from Vallco. Sigh.
- All the windows in the house open when there is a spring breeze
- Unconditional love that I'm absolutely certain of.
- Game nights
- My mom's cooking
- Every single thing about Kauai
- Random good deeds
This too shall pass....
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Day 2 - Opportunity
I worked at the studio instead of home yesterday. You guys, that room gets COLD! I put the heater on, but it literally takes an hour to even begin to heat that huge room, so I had burritoed myself into a torn up blanket left behind in the Annie props and typed with T-Rex arm restrictions.
That's how Y found me when she arrived for our meeting.
A lot of people refer people to Royal Stage to be teachers. Unfortunately we don't have a lot of room for them to come be paid staff because 1) our bank account is already stretched and way stressed out. 2) our teaching staff right now is seriously incredible and pretty much completes us.
So, I met with Y just to be nice because a family I adore had sent her.
This turned out to be a woman not only with a beautiful portfolio and great education - she was also the survivor of an abusive relationship - currently a single mom with four children after having to literally flee her husband.
She freely shared her broken heart with me. Her pain was visibly still raw - and yet she glorified God through it.
From the depths of my burrito shroud, I sat inspired ;)
When we started to talk business, I was about to give her the standard speech of building prices, contracts, etc but God told me quite clearly to be a supporter instead of a building owner right then.
What? Seriously God? We need money SO badly right now. I am not even sure how Royal Stage is going to weather the next few months and here I am being told to hand the studio over?
God was clear. I told her we wouldn't charge her rent until her classes were full, which can likely take awhile.
Dang it.
She can have free advertising space in our playbill, website, etc. Which we are selling right now as a fundraiser .
Ouch.
Her face LIT UP. She was so relieved and happy at the thought of being able to support her family further without "owing" anything.
And my heart honestly lit up knowing that an abuse survivor was going to experience help (and hopefully a bit of healing too) through our little non profit and the arts God has so beautifully given us.
Get out of the way, Tam. Just let God do things. Get out of the way.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Now or Never
The Project has become a sort of a joke. At least in my mind. Lately with all things regarding ministry, I've felt like a complete joke. I know this is because I see things under a microscope - that I'm just too close to everything to have clear perspective.....but lately I've just wanted to throw in the towel because my life is so comfortable and awesome that I am beginning to feel as if I am taunting God somehow when I ask for opportunities to serve Him and don't follow through. When it's easy to just let important things go because no one else comes alongside.
The world is filled with people who care, but do not. Who help, but not really. Who believe, but want things to be easy.
I've become that person - thus, the Project has stalled. And stalled and stalled and now I am older and more tired and distracted. It's like hitting the gym 60 lbs later than you intended. It's more difficult now, the discipline is gone and you'll find the only person worth blaming when you look in the mirror.
I decided I needed to do the Project today. But what could I do? It's the day after Christmas, article deadlines are creeping upon me, I'm overwhelmed with Royal Stage right now, excuses excuses excuses......
Tell her God loves her.
What?
Oh, hi God. You know, we went an incredibly long time without speaking and now you talk to me all the time. I don't mean to be a brat or anything , but sometimes perhaps the old way was easier.
Tell her God loves her .
"Her" is a woman I sort of met at the doctor's office a week ago when my children were both in foul moods, I had a raging viral infection and the line of people was aggravatingly long. A man had literally stepped on Charlotte, knocking her down to the floor and releasing a barrage of sobs and wails, which had let to the doctor giving her candy - but not to Sam. Tears poured from the other team.
Then I hear the woman behind me, frustrated because her phone is about to die and she needs to call her husband about their little boy there with her.
I offer her my phone, much to the agonizing protests of my little hungry and tired appendages who wanted to play Sonic the Hedgehog.
She looked absolutely stunned that a stranger would readily hand her an iPhone with full trust and she calls her husband. She thanks me profusely. That's the end of the story.
Until today, when God tells me to tell her He loves her.
Seriously? I will sound like an idiot and don't I already live enough of my life like that?
I still have her husband's phone number in my phone. I text him, "Hi, I know this is weird but did your wife call you from a stranger's phone last week?"
Immediate reply - yes.
This is ridiculous.
"Okay I promise I'm not a total whack a doo or anything, but God really stuck her to my heart. I know you don't know me, but if your family needs prayer for anything, I am here. And I'm supposed to tell you God really loves you guys. And uh, Merry Day After Christmas."
The wife responds. With thankfulness and a handful of prayer requests - so open and happy and now we are friends.
I promise to pray for her. She is grateful and surprisingly transparent.
It's kind of fun listening to God.
So easy. I can do this every day.
We've had a Beautiful December.
Seriously so blessed.
Post- Christmas breakfast with Great Aunties.
Christmas cookie decorating with Micah
Christmas cookie decorating with Danielle.
We love the Longs' house!!!!!
Reading Magic Treehouse with Elizabeth.
Failed selfie with James.
Making wreaths at Miss Elisa's
Nativity puppet show
Getting to play Mary
Christmas Eve Jammie's and glow sticks.
Family cookie recipe.
All dressed up for Christmas Eve church
We made snowflakes
Beautiful church
Bike!
Doll!
Chinese food!
My sweet girl.
Hullabaloo with unassuming victims.
Dovewood Court
My favorite house on Dovewood Ct
Putting the candles in Jesus' bday pie
Happy birthday Jesus!
So blessed.....
Monday, December 23, 2013
2014 = Reclaim Love
The year is almost through - it seems as if it truly flew by, which is good because it was a tough one! During 2013 I was challenged in so many ways and also feel as if perhaps I grew personally in many ways, too. Lifelong dreams came true, hurts were healed and a lot of the year was just plain fun.
I can easily sum up 2013 in a single sentence - I am blessed.
Looking forward to 2014, God has placed the phrase "reclaim love" on my heart over and over again. I'm writing it down everywhere and intend to accomplish another lifelong dream through it as well as just keeping those words in mind as I go about my days.
Being thankful that love has been poured into my life.
Being ready and willing to pass love on to others.
Being fearless in the way Jesus was - to love fully, recklessly and effectively.
I'm inviting everyone to join me in this reclamation of an old concept many have forgotten - let's just love people. It sounds so simple it's sort of crazy, isn't it? And yet so many of us cannot quite recall how to do it. Not in the right way, anyhow.
This blog will be focusing a lot more on the outcomes of this personal project, and how my ministry is participating as well.
If you wish to help, you can contribute locally to Royal Stage's efforts.
You can buy my book, which will go toward my India & Africa service trips this coming year.
Of course, the best thing you can do is pray or come alongside us and help serve others in 2014! There are going to be a lot of cool things happening this year - everyone can get involved.
Help me reclaim love for Christ. It's going to be amazing!
I can easily sum up 2013 in a single sentence - I am blessed.
Looking forward to 2014, God has placed the phrase "reclaim love" on my heart over and over again. I'm writing it down everywhere and intend to accomplish another lifelong dream through it as well as just keeping those words in mind as I go about my days.
Being thankful that love has been poured into my life.
Being ready and willing to pass love on to others.
Being fearless in the way Jesus was - to love fully, recklessly and effectively.
I'm inviting everyone to join me in this reclamation of an old concept many have forgotten - let's just love people. It sounds so simple it's sort of crazy, isn't it? And yet so many of us cannot quite recall how to do it. Not in the right way, anyhow.
This blog will be focusing a lot more on the outcomes of this personal project, and how my ministry is participating as well.
If you wish to help, you can contribute locally to Royal Stage's efforts.
You can buy my book, which will go toward my India & Africa service trips this coming year.
Of course, the best thing you can do is pray or come alongside us and help serve others in 2014! There are going to be a lot of cool things happening this year - everyone can get involved.
Help me reclaim love for Christ. It's going to be amazing!
Saturday, December 21, 2013
You Can't Wait on Others When God's Waiting For You
This was a rotten week.
Between myself & the kids, we've been to Kaiser 9 times this month, and this week we apparently just had to prove our loyalty to our health insurance further as we sat in doctor's offices and pharmacy lines just trying to STOP FEELING SICK!
Things happened in Royal Stage that were frustrating and sad. Nothing outrageous or outside of ministry norm, but as a very wise person told me this week, "sheep bite." And honestly, it hurts.
Add in family drama that has kept us grounded in Sacramento when we should be in the bay area right now, work deadlines that just didn't happen and other fun stuff, and this week just absolutely sucked.
Like any good Millennial, I lamented on Facebook, and so many people were incredibly awesome and took the time to message me, text me, etc. and remind me that despite challenges and struggles in my life, I'm one of the ones that always comes out on top, always prevails, that I am "tough and passionate" and to keep on keeping on.
Dadgummit!
See, here is why I'm so disappointed....God has placed two big dreams on my heart...one, publish a book and two, launch a special year-long project of making people feel loved and blessed.
The book came out December 4.
The year-long project kicks off January 17.
And I've been crazy sick off and on all this month.
I've had people that I was counting on to help me proceed to drop out, flake away and vanish.
I haven't been able to promote my book past Facebook and I haven't done a thing for Project 365.
Right now, everything is primed to fail.
And this is why I love God - because he will never pressure me to listen to Him or make me feel bad in the midst of my pity party. But when I cry out to Him, He will break through barricades of sickness, whining children, frustration and heartache and just bust right in and rescue me from both tangible disappointment and a crazy mind.
He reminded me tonight:
ALL things are possible through Him
Callings He's placed on my life are not defined by other people.
He will provide and always does.
Even when plans fall through, He never does.
I have an amazing, wonderful, safe church home to go to when I can't go to "real" home, and a year ago I did not have that.
I have amazing, wonderful, bright, loving children and five years ago I did not have that.
Things can change for the better very quickly, and the ones who come out on top are the ones who do not give up!
If I had my way, of course the money would magically appear for India, people would come to Project 365, my book would sell well and I would be able to breathe out of both my lungs again.....but no matter what the rest of the weekend brings, it's nice to be grateful and remember that God is in control and He is much more proficient at steering the way than I am.
Like another wise person told me a few days ago, it's time to walk away and allow the dispassionate to be blessed and to move forward with where God calls. Even when it hurts, is scary and is not on my own personal agenda at all.
Because that is where the best adventure is always found.
.JPG)
If your heart is as heavy as mine tonight, let's agree to try to rest easy with faith like a child. Because God says to. And really, what other choice is there that is sure to turn out as brilliant and wonderful as that?
Between myself & the kids, we've been to Kaiser 9 times this month, and this week we apparently just had to prove our loyalty to our health insurance further as we sat in doctor's offices and pharmacy lines just trying to STOP FEELING SICK!
Things happened in Royal Stage that were frustrating and sad. Nothing outrageous or outside of ministry norm, but as a very wise person told me this week, "sheep bite." And honestly, it hurts.
Add in family drama that has kept us grounded in Sacramento when we should be in the bay area right now, work deadlines that just didn't happen and other fun stuff, and this week just absolutely sucked.
Like any good Millennial, I lamented on Facebook, and so many people were incredibly awesome and took the time to message me, text me, etc. and remind me that despite challenges and struggles in my life, I'm one of the ones that always comes out on top, always prevails, that I am "tough and passionate" and to keep on keeping on.
Dadgummit!
See, here is why I'm so disappointed....God has placed two big dreams on my heart...one, publish a book and two, launch a special year-long project of making people feel loved and blessed.
The book came out December 4.
The year-long project kicks off January 17.
And I've been crazy sick off and on all this month.
I've had people that I was counting on to help me proceed to drop out, flake away and vanish.
I haven't been able to promote my book past Facebook and I haven't done a thing for Project 365.
Right now, everything is primed to fail.
And this is why I love God - because he will never pressure me to listen to Him or make me feel bad in the midst of my pity party. But when I cry out to Him, He will break through barricades of sickness, whining children, frustration and heartache and just bust right in and rescue me from both tangible disappointment and a crazy mind.
He reminded me tonight:
ALL things are possible through Him
Callings He's placed on my life are not defined by other people.
He will provide and always does.
Even when plans fall through, He never does.
I have an amazing, wonderful, safe church home to go to when I can't go to "real" home, and a year ago I did not have that.
I have amazing, wonderful, bright, loving children and five years ago I did not have that.
Things can change for the better very quickly, and the ones who come out on top are the ones who do not give up!
If I had my way, of course the money would magically appear for India, people would come to Project 365, my book would sell well and I would be able to breathe out of both my lungs again.....but no matter what the rest of the weekend brings, it's nice to be grateful and remember that God is in control and He is much more proficient at steering the way than I am.
Like another wise person told me a few days ago, it's time to walk away and allow the dispassionate to be blessed and to move forward with where God calls. Even when it hurts, is scary and is not on my own personal agenda at all.
Because that is where the best adventure is always found.
.JPG)
If your heart is as heavy as mine tonight, let's agree to try to rest easy with faith like a child. Because God says to. And really, what other choice is there that is sure to turn out as brilliant and wonderful as that?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)