To Ashes

Ash Wednesday is still a relatively new concept to me, but it is one I love. 

My former churches did not observe Ash Wednesday, and as a child going to catholic mass on occasion I remember receiving the ashes but never really knew the meaning.

Last year on Palm Sunday, we were invited to lay down palms on the altar and those palms were then burned into the ashes we received last night at the Ash Wednesday service. I vividly remember laying down my palm branch, knowing all that was weighing heavy on my heart at the time. 

Ash Wednesday is all about repentance and moving forward in Lent pursuing sacrifice and a betterment of one's self. 

I think above all else in my life right now, I desire to be better. A better mother, a better wife, a better ministry leader, a better lover of Jesus. 

I'm thankful for all the things that were laid down on Palm Sunday and have not been picked up again - but oh, the things I've snatched back out of God's healing hands! I hate my sin. I hate my weakness. I hate my selfish nature. 

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15

Preach it, Paul. Seriously, gosh. 

I thought a lot about what to give up for Lent this year, and really didn't come up with much that wouldn't have some sort of earthly desire. I wanted to give up eating out, but only because I want to be a size 4 again this summer. I considered giving up electronics, but Frank wouldn't be too thrilled that that would mean also giving up a paycheck when all my clients notice my disappearing act online. I suppose I could give up smoking, alcohol or heroin....but since I never started those......

So this Lent I am adding instead of taking away. I am sending an encouragement to someone every day, because when I feel I'm lacking encouragement, the best remedy is to add some into the heart of someone else. 

I'm also doing the 40 Day Decrapify challenge (http://www.whitehouseblackshutters.com/40-bags-in-40-days-2014/), and away with the clutter will hopefully go a lot of things I'm hanging on to. This will involve a lot of adding faith and trust in God. I will be saying goodbye to letters from old friends, gifts from people who have caused hurt I've hung onto, books and other items from high school and college - the ultimate breeding grounds for both wonderful and horrible memories, etc. 

I've spent an entire year working on processing many things, and yet there is so much left in the pile. But I'm ready. 

I am eager to see the remainder of my fear, doubt and resistance turn to ashes. To pick up the beauty of being confident, loving and peaceful. To declutter my heart of the unhealthy comforts I've come to rely upon and replace them with patience, hope, joy and a strength that is found in Christ alone. 

From ashes I came, to ashes I will return. I hope to see many bad habits and poisonous thoughts burn down while I'm here in the middle.