Love is a Choice

If anyone asks me how I'm doing, I'm going to respond by saying "happy and blessed."

Okay, that's total cheeseballs....I won't actually do that....BUT I am going to be in that mindset. 

One of the weird things about me (and im sure there are many) is I still tend to operate off a foundation of hurt when the going gets tough. My life has been incredibly easy in the grand scheme of things, but I still need to recognize that partially because of the past, I have a very bad habit of needing to be in control of situations. 

In some ways, this is a positive. It makes me a natural born leader. It makes me really pretty fearless when push comes to shove. I am a quick thinker. 

Sadly, it also means I am given a lot of opportunities to lead, I am often afraid of the outcome from fearless choices, and I often act before I pray. 

I  am going to really work on letting go of my white-knuckle grip on.....everything. And try to live in the freedom of knowing that one thing I AM in control of is the ability to love. I can always make the choice to love. 

I read this passage the other day in my Bible and it really spoke to me: 

When a light wind began blowing from the south, the sailors thought they could make it. So they pulled up anchor and sailed close to the shore of Crete. 

How many times have I sensed a subtle concern, and yet chose to push forward on my own? To choose what I want and what the world has to offer over God's wisdom and standards? 

But the weather changed abruptly, and a wind of typhoon strength burst across the island and blew us out to sea. The sailors couldn't turn the ship into the wind, so they gave up and let it run before the gale.

I need to give up. Give up control. Give up pride. Give up everything except letting God guide. I need to let HIM run ME before the gale. And when I get wind blown and drenched in situations I don't particularly enjoy, I need to STILL let Him steer the boat. 

The next day, as gale-force winds continued to batter the ship, the crew began throwing the cargo overboard. The following day they even took some of the ship’s gear and threw it overboard. 

Some things in life will continue to batter me. My own personal struggles are a healing journey, not a quick overnight fix. People will come along who criticize me, lie about me, gossip about me, walk away from me......this does not give me an excuse to throw common sense overboard. To toss God's promises and His provided victories into the sea while hanging on to what I think is right. Because you know, I'm often wrong. 

The terrible storm raged for many days, blotting out the sun and the stars, until at last all hope was gone. (Acts 27:13-15, 18-20)

Some of my storms have raged for many days. It's often felt as if the sun and stars have been blotted out, as I struggle to see God's sovereignty over my own pain. 

And now honestly, all hope IS gone: 

Hope in myself apart from Christ. 

Hope in plans succeeding out of nothing but stubborn will. 

Hope in thinking I have all the answers.

Hope that healing and growth will happen on MY predetermined timeline. 

Hope in anything other than the incredible, powerfully strong force of God's forgiveness, love and goodness. 

I am ready and excited for God to be in control. I'm thankful He never stops loving me, and that when I love others, I'm always making the right choice. Beyond all else, if I let go of control and choose to love God and accept His love, by default I am going to start loving others more and more.

God's love is already a vast as an ocean without our help, and yet He chooses to use us still to deepen it all the more. What a wonderful thing it is to know that we don't need any special skill, talent or calling to follow the most important command.

To just shut up and love. 

Sail on.