Up, Up and Away...

As I may have mentioned prior, I have a list of very odd fears including dragonflies, swimming in dark water and Universal Studios. People often laugh when I list some of my fears, and because the strong majority of them are ludicrous, I totally get it. The thing that gets ME though, are the fears in life that are truly out of my control. I just hate those guys - the way they creep in and sit on my lungs whenever I try to express them aloud in prayer or to a trusted friend.

But I'm learning. Slowly but surely learning how to control them, and also learning how to live. This summer has been a remarkable time for me. It's been incredibly difficult but also filled with tremendous blessings. The blessing of learning to let go, trust others, do hard work and just be brave instead of whiny. Some insanely negative people/situations have officially left my world, and some positive lights have quickly filled the gaps.

I really feel as if I am living summer for the first time, and it's kinda beautiful.

This afternoon I got some bad news. It seems like the moment I crawl into my hot air balloon of happiness to go for a ride, someone shoots an arrow into it and down I come. This happened again today, when something was brought to my attention that I now have to deal with.

I could all but audibly hear the devil laughing.

When I was younger I used to chuckle at that Mother Teresa quote about how God won't give us more than we can handle, and how she wished God didn't trust her so much. I am SO thankful that God hasn't called me to Mother Teresa status, and yet also humbled how much, in my own little world, He has chosen to trust me.

I am reminding myself daily that while I am on the front lines right now, fighting for peace and sanity with everything going on both in and around me, I am also an armed soldier.

If you are going through it, make an inventory of what you have to bring with you into the trenches, and eventually you will find yourself climbing up, out and away from the darkness. As I am currently in Day 12(ish) of my latest battle, I've been making an inventory list, too. I am not out of the darkness yet, but I also know God promised I will be.

My Inventory

God has supplied me with tenacity to hang on.
God has supplied me with His Word for relief.
God has supplied me with a fully-working body to dance, write, swim, laugh, shout, run and work.
God has supplied me with friends that actually pray for me when they say they will.
God has supplied me with family that challenges me daily to strongly define who I am and stick to it.
God has supplied me with everything I need to head into a 5th year of non-profit work.
God has supplied me with......everything I need.

Fear be gone. My God is bigger. You may catch me at the surface, but His love runs deeper through my veins than anything else you've got.