Cookie Sorrow

Sam rarely gets in trouble. He's a five year old boy, so by default he is energetic, wiggly and distracted. But, he rarely exhibits genuinely bad or punish-worthy behavior. We do about one time out every couple months or so, and that's pretty much it.

But this morning, he was driving me nuts. This week as a whole has been a challenge, a lot of impatience and "me first" mentality. It's definitely defining for me what character traits we need to focus our efforts on during these last few months before summer. Charlotte will be working on patience and consideration. Sam will be working on....patience.

So this morning, he wanted a cookie in his lunch. He was going to get a cookie in his lunch before he even decided to get involved.

"Mommy, please put a cookie in my lunch."

"I will."

"Is the cookie in my lunch yet?"

"You will get a cookie. I am making your sandwich right now."

"Mommy! I need a cookie!"

I don't respond.

"Mommy, don't forget my cookie. I need a cookie in my lunch. Those good kind we had yesterday."

I continue packing things into his lunchbox.

"Mommy! You BETTER give me a cookie!"

Whoa, excuse me? I don't take threats from my children. Goodbye, cookie. I throw some cranberries into a bag instead.

"What about my cookie?"

"You're not getting one anymore."

"Well FINE! I will just have one at snack time at school today! Ha!" He stomps away.

When we got to school, I walked him into class and I told his teacher he wasn't allowed to have any sweets today because he was disrespectful. It usually wouldn't have been a big deal because they don't serve them sweets regularly. But.....today they had banana bread all ready to eat. Sam is like a monkey to banana anything. Bummer for him :/

He came home with this.

Heartbreaker, sheesh! 

It's important to note there was NO punishment, time out or penalty beyond skipping the banana bread. It must've been really delicious looking to warrant this! 

I love my sweet boy, and I'm grateful he goes to a school where his teachers uphold our wishes and teach him about responsibility and kindness. 

P.S. - Don't tell Frank, but I let him have a cookie when he got home from school. 

Why Christians Shouldn't Be Afraid of Noah

I've heard a lot of mixed feelings about the movie Noah, which opened this past weekend, and there seems to be two distinct reactions.

1) "It's a movie." 

2) "Don't go see this! It isn't biblical and is a waste of money." 

In regards to #1, I agree. It's a movie. Note my lack of excitement there. It's rather cheesy at points and the special effects were "meh." (Editors note: Husband told me that it wasn't "meh" - it was stylized purposely to look unreal and artistic. However I still hold to my opinion the snake was dumb. So fine - bravo, Mr. Aronofsky. But your snake was still lame.) 

Obviously, as a Christian, I am going to focus on #2 here. I am going to rock my Facebook feed and say that I wasn't  offended by this movie in the least. 

But why? 

Because anger is always stemmed in fear, and my God is great and mighty - so why should I be afraid? Plus, there's just plain nothing to be afraid of. Just like Frozen will, (hang on as I raise my shield of protection against the children of the world with this sentence), the Noah hype is going to die down and we will be left relatively unchanged as this dumb snake blockbuster fades away into the Redbox kiosk. 

As a Christian, I felt it was my responsibility to go into this movie prepared. I knew to appreciate it as art. I knew there were no professing Christians involved, so why demand a biblical result? If a child were to draw me a picture of my blonde, blue-eyed daughter with black hair and brown eyes, I would definitely think it odd, but certainly wouldn't revolt. It's their art.

And, suppose the artist drew it that way because they didn't know my child?

Remember, we all belong to a Heavenly Father, but not all of us know His Son.

I suppose I think of all the past Church catastrophes - and there are a lot - but most modernly the age of the corrupt televangelists. They preached, they were exposed as liars, cheaters, swindlers and then they fell. But would it be fair to say that no one received their ticket to Heaven through the words of these misguided, disingenuous men? Of course not. God still used them to save thousands of souls despite their inequity. And if God can use outright sin from those who know better to lead people to Christ, then why shouldn't I have faith that He can still be glorified through a movie created by a team of people who never claimed to know or love Him in the first place?

Ways to Find God's Glory in Noah 
(in order of my brain rather than plot order. Sorry.) 

1. Noah and his family are portrayed as fallen human beings, just as they truly were. 

The biblical account of Noah states he is the only righteous one on Earth. Righteous does not equal sinless. God chose him to do an incredible, crazy thing (aka freelance ark building) because he was devout, faithful and righteous. He was never once named sinless. This is why I love the part of the bible that talks about him being found passed out naked and drunk post-flood. Poor brother was incredibly PTSD after one heck of a boat ride. The movie does an excellent job of portraying righteousness vs sinlessness. 

Noah's son Ham, in typical middle child fashion, rebels against his father and experiences anger and disbelief in his family's calling. Pretty much every character experiences anger, doubt and fear, including Noah himself.  The bible is full of examples of people who do incredibly righteous, good things for the Lord, and at times they still lose sight of Him (Adam, David, Peter, etc.) and I love this about them, because it means God can use me mightily, too. He can use any of us.

"No one would listen to me and now they're all trying to jump on the freaking ark! This is crazy!" - Noah

2. The movie breathes life into a biblical account

Movies gift us with details that we wouldn't normally think of when reading our bible. The entire Noah account is a few pages long. It doesn't mention details that the movie so poignantly illustrates, that were likely fact. For example, the horrible, gut-wrenching awkwardness of sitting safely inside of the ark with the sound of humanity perishing as your dinnertime background noise. The screams of terror, the frantic hands pounding against the ark, babies and children gulping in gallons of water against their will.....I have a feeling the real Noah, just like the movie Noah, heard some of this happening and I doubt it was pleasant. The art of fiction can be used to make our truth more real.

3. The stone people aren't really that weird or random

A lot of church peeps are up in arms over the "stone people." This is legit. I too, thought them to be weird. But how many of us actually did research? The "stone people" or "rock people" also known as The Watchers, are a part of the book of Enoch. This is not a canonical text, but the writers of the bible were well aware of its contents, and much of this book is interwoven into Jewish tradition and history. Some Orthodox groups (in Nigeria, for example) still consider the book of Enoch to be God's word today. I personally do not, and the strong majority of both Jews and Christians today also do not. However, it is important to realize the "stone people" did not come out of thin air or from some director's odd imagination. They also serve to illustrate an important point through the narrative the um, head rock person? provides - we can choose to turn away from God, and when we faithfully love Him and ask to come back, He will always receive us.

4. The bad guy is an awesome example of human pride and sin

The villain in this movie sees what Noah's doing, and he actually starts to believe what he says about this whole flood deal. Then, when the rain starts, he tantrums. Eventually, he manages to bust into the ark and hang out there for an impressive amount of time without being discovered. But, in the end he meets death anyhow. 

This bad guy shows pride over and over and over again with no repentence. He has several lines about how man is made in God's image, and so he clearly must be above everyone and everything. And that....drum roll....he can certainly get himself out of anything God throws his way.

I don't know about you, but I know a lot of people like that today. They don't want God, or they feel when they die they will just deal with whatever happens after. No big deal, they will work it out because they have strength within them and who gives a hoot about Jesus? And, these people are not villains like this guy. Their belief is their right, just like our belief is our right. I believe that I follow Truth. But it would be terribly ignorant of me to think everyone agrees with me. I think it's important for us to see fine examples in cinema of pride and it's destruction. It's dangerous to consider ourselves equal or greater than God, and this Noah film gives a strong example of this. 

5. The movie is not un-biblical - it is extra-biblical, and there is a difference.

Now many Christians are saying that Noah is not biblical. I'd like to hear someone prove how this is so? The movie begins with Noah's family shown as the only righteous ones left on Earth. Then, God speaks to Noah and tells him humanity will be wiped away with a great flood. Noah builds the ark. The flood happens. A dove brings back a branch. Noah passes out drunk and naked. Humanity begins anew. 

You guys, it's all there. 

The issue with Noah is not that it's un-biblical, but rather it is extra-biblical. Anthony Hopkin's portrayal of Methuselah is particularly zany and random, and I am not sure on the biblical existence of Ila - I couldn't find her anywhere. But again, the whole account of Noah is brief. Most biblical stories are. That doesn't take away their truth, of course, but as human beings we tend to fill in the blanks. 

If you're a Christian and don't agree, then please tell me how you explain that children's bible on your kid's bookshelf with the Caucasian Jesus. Or the fact we celebrate Christmas in the winter and have a baby Jesus in our nativity scene when he was clearly visited by the wise men as a toddler and likely born in the springtime. 

Human nature compels us to put God and his Word into our own sort of truth and visualization so we can process it. And I think He gets that. Why else would he present Himself to us as a Father? Something that is far beneath Him but easy for us to understand. 

So no, Noah is not unbiblical. It is extra-biblical. And if there are issues with that, then that is fair . But it also means we should likely examine the rest of our Christian life and the things we watch, the way we celebrate and the thoughts we visualize. 

6.  It reminds us of how important it is as Christians to not pick and choose. 

As mentioned above, if we are going to throw stones, we better be consistent throughout. Many of the Christians I know who hate the Noah movie LOVED The Passion of the Christ. This film was also jam packed with extra-biblical ideas, contained many cultural and historical inaccuracies and was directed by Mel Gibson, a member of an ultra-traditional Catholic sect often rejected by mainstream Catholicism. And yet churches around the country bought out movie theaters to get their congregants in to see that film. I'm confused.....why do we want our Savior Hollywoodfied but not an Old Testament boat builder? 

Pick a side and stick to it. This is why my children won't watch any of these films until they reach adulthood. Hollywood has never asked to raise my children up in the christian faith, and I don't plan on charging them with that responsibility. However I am also not going to protest to high heaven and back about each bible-based film that comes out. Spoiler alert: we as human beings all have some facts wrong - at the end of the day it's our hearts that count. 

7. These type of films encourage people to read the book after. 

I love dinosaurs. They are the coolest things ever. When Jurassic Park was about to come out, my mom agreed to let me ditch a day of middle school to attend the premiere as long as I read the book first. That book is a beast, but I did it. This happened after years of a rule where I was required to read before watching a movie. And as an adult , I often seek out a book based on a film after seeing the film. So do a lot of people. And we all know what book Noah is from.....so why are we complaining about the free publicity? 

So should you see Noah? 

I don't know. I'm not you. But I would break it down as such: 

If you are so conservative in your faith that you fear it will be shaken by a movie, or you struggle with the harsh reality that there's a world out there that often disagrees with our faith and values, then I would probably skip it. 

If you are able to separate fact from fiction comfortably, do not take other opinions personally and want to educate yourself in such a way that you can  "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect..." 1 Peter 3:16

Then I say go for it. After all, how can we stand for what we believe in if we cannot allow ourselves to be at least carefully & respectfully familiar with the other side? 

Exciting Springtime!

There is a lot happening this spring. April in particular is going to be total crazy sauce - Heart of Arts, going to India, Easter....so many challenges and celebrations ahead! 

There's a new trend going on right now, where people add something to their lives for Lent rather than giving something up for 40 days. I think both are great - to grow closer to The Lord through sacrifice, or to grow closer to Him through purposeful added devotion and prayer time - both can be so rewarding. 

Whether or not you participate in a life of faith, the beginning of spring is a wonderful time to renew a commitment to help others. A lot of people I know have done the "adding Lent" by committing to helping others. 

Here are a few incredible opportunities to help right here locally - and make worldwide impact: 

1) THE BEST $20 YOU'VE EVER SPENT - one of my dear friends is selling raffle tickets to help save a home in Cambodia that does more ministry on a regular basis than anywhere else I've heard of! Just purchasing a raffle ticket gives $10 toward saving this vital building in Cambodia and another $10 goes toward a raffle that Royal Stage could possibly win funding from. More details can be found here - https://www.facebook.com/events/284434171715775/

Even if you choose another group on the list, that's fine - just let me know if you want to buy a ticket - you can send me the money online in a variety of ways and I can make sure it gets to Cambodia! 

2) HEART OF ARTS - Royal Stage is having our annual Heart of Arts spring dinner show. Come eat lasagna, watch our all-studio performance and enjoy an art gallery. There will also be various raffle prizes that night including Disneyland tickets! April 13, 6:30pm - buy tix through me just let me know! You can also get them at royalstage.org but there's a service fee. (America's dumb...) 

3) SUMMER CAMP - sign your kids up for an amazing camp opportunity in either Roseville or Natomas. They will learn dance, voice, drama, visual art and have a ton of fun. $100/2 weeks.....runs all summer long and breaks down to a little over $6/hr. 

Please consider #1 first and foremost - but either way I hope you will consider getting involved in any of these three....or anywhere else you feel called to make a difference! 

I Will Fight For You.

Dear Charlotte, 

You did not deserve this doll today.  

You are in the throes of two years old, and you have a scream of discontent that could shatter glass when you don't get your way. With the exception of myself, you are the most strong-willed creature I've ever encountered and you exhaust me. 

And what's funny is those are the exact same things that make me so in love with you. 

While your brother just wants people to be happy, you are always ready for a good fight. I pray that you win the important, righteous ones throughout your life. 

While your brother is hungry to learn and sees the world intellectually, you prioritize being pretty and silly. That's why I also pray that I always remember to have time for dish towel capes and gift wrap roll wands - you see the world as safe, fun and sparkly. Can I bottle up your perspective and keep it forever? Is there a way to make it into a serum that I can then administer to you when you're in middle school and discover math is really hard and friendships can be brutal? 

I love the way you help me, and genuinely believe that I can't get by without you . 

And you know, I think you may be right on that. You've only been in our lives for all of 33 months and yet it feels like forever. 

You've evened the teams in our house. 

You've taught me immeasurable patience.

You get more excited about hot pink toenails than anyone else in the universe. 

You are girly. You are a cuddle machine. You can be shockingly mean. And they are all parts that make up the little you I love so much. 

And because I love you, when you fight me, you won't win. When you hate your bath, you can splash all the water out of the tub in your tirade against cleanliness and I will still scrub every angry little curl coming out of your head. When you lament you don't need a nap, and you kick your blanket off, I will tuck you in tighter so you feel extra safe. 

You aren't going to get away from me, girl. You may grow up to be feisty, strong-willed and choose the difficult path, but you will always know you are loved. 

Which is probably why you got the doll today. It was honestly my idea - even when you are a crazy person, I have an innate desire to bless you. And because you're so little, you allow me to without question. 

You remind me daily what our relationship with our Heavenly Father should look like. Sometimes we fight Him, but we should always turn around in the end. And we can accept the blessings He loves to give. And ultimately, we can rest in His love, safe and secure, tucked in extra tight. 

Now where are Anna's pants? 

In the Darkness with Dead Frogs

I set out to read the entire bible this year. I love daily readings in the Old Testament - Christians tend to be familiar with the NT, but I really enjoy the OT. I love a good scandal or two and it's stuffed full of them! 

So in my daily reading of the entire Bible, I have basically bombed. I made it all of maybe 12 days before I started to fall behind. Now I am reading the plan daily, and I will still finish in a year - but right now I'm still in January. Exodus 3. Moses is trying to get his rear away from Pharoah because he just killed an Egyptian and is going to get himself killed if he's found out. Moses is running. Moses did bad things, and now he's hiding. 

Tonight in bible study, we did Exodus 8 - Pharoah is coming to Moses in ch 8 to stop the plagues . He is considered a wise and close friend of The Lord. 

In just 5 chapters, Moses went from running and hiding to revered and respected (as much as Pharoah revered and respected anyone, which doesn't seem to be much.) 

What I love about this change from Exodus 3 to 8 is that.......life changes. Unfortunately for Moses change meant raining frogs and exceedingly more disgusting phenomena for awhile, but still....things changed. And in the end, clearly Moses turns out to be a total biblical rockstar. 

I hope that in my life, there will be change. I hate this time in the valley - 

these times where my medicine stops working, when words choke in my throat, when I have to sleep in the middle of the day....mentally , physically, spiritually I am hunkering down on the floor of the crappiest room ever, waiting for the door to be unlocked again. 

Whee! 

But change is real. It can come. I just need to somehow find a way to befriend the struggles that are so intent on sticking around. Find a way. 

The desert isn't meant to last forever. 

 

Not So Sweet

My children cannot have candy ever again. And when I say "children", I mean specifically Sam and when I say "never again," I mean truly, if there were a way to step into eternity and ensure no candy awaits him there either, I would. 

Sam turns psychotic when he has candy. Not hyper, not lively - PSYCHO. Quite possibly the only time I see premeditated, genuinely naughty behavior out of him is when he has candy. Sure, he has moments of outbursts, fights with his sister and other 5 year old incidents from time to time - but when Sam has candy, our faith's theology becomes vivid and real. I see a true example of how we are all born into sin and need a savior to overcome all the insane things we do when we are under the influence of lollipops and conversation hearts. And I am definitely in need of Jesus in case there are consequences to listing a 5 year old on eBay before Halloween hits . 

Sam is not allowed to have candy. I repeat - like mixing a martini for a recovering alcoholic or waving crack in front of a junkie....my child is not to have a sweet treat unless you plan to open up your home as a halfway house until he sufficiently detoxes from the corn syrup and red dye. 

However at the end of the day , I sure did have two beautiful little valentines! 

Sam just came up to me and explained he was naughty yesterday because his conversation heart said "wild child." So he is clearly absolved from responsibility. 

"And look, mommy! One of the ones I had this morning said LOL!"

"One of the ones you had this morning?! It's 6am!"

I glance over and see shreds of a conversation heart box on the living room couch. He has eaten the entire supply of hearts inside and I have no clue where he found them. 

"Sam? Where did you get this candy!"

"LOL! AH Ha Ha Ha Ha see mommy?! I'm LOLing! Because the heart said LOL AND THE HEART IS IN MY BODY! LOL AH Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!" 

Never mind. 

Garage Sale Love

A person looked at me the other day and, regarding a struggle they want resolved said, "You are amazing. God blesses you and speaks to you. You pray for me, okay?"

After I was done laughing hysterically and picked myself up off the floor....okay not really....

....in reality the  conversation sort of awkwardly ended and I was left wanting to say 4 words.

We are all liars. 

I am blessed. It would be impossible to look at anyone's life and deny some sort of blessing, and beyond that I know my life in particular is filled to the brim with them. 

But if anyone sees any part of my life and considers me blessed, they should know a little secret: 

I am terrified of God. 

I've mentioned this before and I'm getting better with it, but at the end of the day I have a long history of believing that God is unhappy with me, that He often turns away from me and that I likely will not go to Heaven because somehow I must be doing it wrong. I am not one of those Christians that revels in the freedom of God's unconditional saving grace. I am more the type that clings to it so tightly - out of abject fear of losing it - that I choke out of it any meaning or value and instead blanket it in fear and insecurity. 

"God listens to you and talks to you..." 

True. But it seems to be the exception, not the rule. And the real kicker is....the scarcity of grace is completely my fault . 

In bible study this week my pastor talked about having a "garage sale" love for Christ. At a garage sale you are ridding yourself of things not really very valuable and expecting to be rewarded with payment. Well hello, perfect analogy of Tam's faith in God! Isn't that sad? And perhaps that's why I'm being open and honest - I'm giving away for the first time something expensive - my reputation as a ministry leader and a confession that sometimes, (okay most of the time) - I shut God up before He is able to speak with me because I have limits on what I'm willing to give on my end. 

Today I looked at a glass of water on a table, filled about an eighth of the way. Still, stale, room temperature water from that morning that would be far from satisfying if I opted to drink it just then. 

I got a picture in my head of that glass filling up and overflowing with fresh, cool water instead. I know that the reality of the glass is how I speak to God -I limit my prayers, I tell Him what I think He wants to hear, careful not to take up too much time. He gets the residue of my heart and I expect to be refreshed. And , not surprisingly, I am often sorely disappointed . 

So does God speak to me? Oh probably. But more importantly,

Why don't I speak to Him? 

Because I'm scared . 

I have a long history of people offering me their garage sale love. 

I've been treated a lot like a yard sale deal, and honestly I've turned that into presenting myself to God as such. 

I am going to stop this, and if you value yourself as much as a mismatched board game or a dusty VHS, then you should stop too. 

Today after complaining to some people via text message about how unfair it all is - this whole game of coming to God and not leaving feeling any better, I just let my thoughts and fears flood my Father's ears. I went way beyond the capacity of that glass and told Him everything. And I

mean  EVERYTHING. 

The result surprised me.....I did not hear any life-changing revelation or anything from God. Whatever. I'm not Moses. 

But what surprised me was the overwhelming reassurance that He isn't mad at me. He reminded me of things He told me at a healing prayer night, He showed me assurances in my current life that He loves me more than a deflated basketball or boxed up old clothes. He just loves me. 

He isn't mad. Not with the human anger that I always fear. He's mad at the things that keep me from him, which is exactly why I had to hand them all over to Him. 

So, if you're struggling with fear or talking to God today, just let it go. Spill your guts, even if it's scary. 

Because God deserves more than your garage sale love and He certainly wants to give you love beyond that. 

You're like the most expensive item at Tiffany's, baby.