The Privilege

My sister and I took Sam and Charlotte to the movies on Sunday - something they had been looking forward to all week. 

If you haven't met Charlotte, she is a bounding little three-year-old with a mess of blonde ringlets and big blue eyes. She kills me. 

She is also a cling monster. While her nature is usually stubborn and strong-willed, whenever she is aware of my presence in a room, all of that determination is fueled toward my direction. She constantly needs to be touching me, and is pretty bitter about the fact her ticket out of my womb was one-way only. She clings, she cuddles, the only time she really tantrums is when she doesn't have an all-access pass into my arms. 

Forget my arms full of groceries.

Forget any PDA with husband.

Most of all, forget her brother who rarely needs physical affection but clearly he is permitted none in her "my mind on mommy and mommy on my mind" tunnel vision. 

It kills me. 

So when her fingers got stuck in the armrest cup holder halfway through the movie Sunday, and she howled in misery until I took her out into the lobby, I shouldn't have been surprised that laying on my lap was more thrilling to her than returning to her seat.

We compromised on the side aisle of the theatre, where I could fully snuggle her but still keep an eye on Sam. 

As I sat there on the ground with her contentedly splayed out all over my chest and lap, it made me realize that Charlotte's clingyness is a privilege. 

It's a privilege to have my daughter hopelessly attached to me and believing I am the one that holds the sky up for her. 

It's a privilege to be trusted, adored and considered to be her safe place. 

Sam and Charlotte are not mine. I was chosen to give birth to them, but they are their own little bodies and souls and they both belong to God. 

Some are held prisoner to their family because they feel they owe them the experience their earthly parents hoped to have. They expected them to be a certain way, and when things didn't turn out like that, they are sometimes reminded about how they owe them. How because they did A, B and C; the child  is obligated to respond with X, Y and Z. 

But you know, when you throw a K or a Q at someone, and try to pass it off as your A and B, eventually that person is going to realize they cannot spell out the happy ending you hoped for when they were never handed the correct letters in the first place. 

You might feel sometimes as if you didn't even get full letters. And people can work tirelessly to make you believe that something is one way when it clearly isn't, (and oftentimes succeed at changing your mind) - but at the end of the day, the struggle reaches a point that you need to find a way in life to spell out your own truth. 

You don't belong to where you come from. You hold no loyalties there. Of course, there is a lot to be said about respect, love, peace, patience, understanding and making things work whenever you're able. This is in no way meant to be a message to a hurting person telling them to cut off anyone in life who's difficult or mean to them. 

But, when it comes to where your soul's loyalties lie, remember going into this New Year that knowing you is a privilege. Your parents, spouse or anyone else close to you is not required to earn your love - but you get to decide who pulls the strings. 

You truly belong to what happens after this life, rather than the muck of situations which you may be currently wading through. 

Even Jesus replied once, "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?" 

Come on, really? That one must've really stung Mary to the core. She gave up a lot for Jesus - her reputation, the hellish repercussions of pregnancy and childbirth before even having a chance to enjoy intimacy, having to raise the son of God....and then having to eventually watch him brutally die. Mary did not have it easy. And here is her kid saying that He belongs to a higher calling. And at the same time, to the entire world. Jesus never intended to give Mary a VIP pass to his middle eastern big tent revival - He loved her and was grateful for her, but He knew in the end He had to do His own thing, because it was the right thing to do. 

I've completely lost my train of thought on this now. It was just an eye-opening revelation for me when I realized that as much as Charlotte's insecurity (and Sam's constant singing, and Frank's dirty socks left all over the house....), knowing these people and having a high place of honor in their life is a privilege, not a right. I need to be thankful for that. 

Who has the high places of honor in your life? Do they deserve to be there? Don't let anyone tell you that they've earned that spot. Only One has earned His place ruling in your heart. Everyone else.....you don't belong to them. Love them. Always love them. But be free in knowing you are beautiful, strong and no individual owns you.