We all lie - people lie to me every day...from the grocery store clerk that really doesn't give a flying fish as to whether or not I "have a nice day" to people within my ministry who, while I love them with all my heart, sometimes it takes all my strength to not roll my eyes and remind them that I was 18 once too, and that I see right through their crap facades.
And, if I'm honest with myself, I'm often that kind of liar, too. It's part of the human nature - to lie to protect ourselves from [insert applicable emotional/social threat here]. So whatever.
But the liars that surround me every day aren't like the supermarket employee or a dancer trying to impress me - these particular liars are 100% mean spirited. Their number one focus is to take me away from God's love and peace.
They live inside my brain. When they start running their mouths it feels like they grow much bigger and seep into my heart, under my skin and around my neck until I begin to think I'll just get swallowed up and disappear, but no one will help because no one can even see it happening.
How's that for some shiny, glittery hyperbole?
Let me put it more simply. Mental illness is an army of angry, terribly mean (and likely offensively hairy) little soldiers that never completely break rank. They are super distracting and impressively bothersome.
If you have a chemical imbalance or a traumatic past - or the winning combination of both - I know you can hear the sound of their marching right now, and I'm so sorry that you have to. It's very frightening, it isn't right and it isn't fair.
But here is something I've learned. During one of those rare respites, when you start to hear the marching again - run.
You see, even when your brain is filled with static and your reality seems twisted and crunched beyond recognition, you have a choice.
It's true. You do.
It's a small window of time, but it's enough.
When you hear the enemy returning again with soul stabbing spears, waving their banners of darkness, run straight for the still, small quiet door straight ahead.
Don't look behind you or to either side - you just need to book it like that Alice kid going after her rabbit until you've reached that little door.
Then knock. He will answer you. Every single time, He will answer. And you'll dive into his strong shelter where no enemy camp can ever reach you.
It can be tremendously hard to find that door. I've lost my way countless times. But always set your heart on the path to find it again. The more times you arrive, the bolder your knock will become. Eventually, you'll feel comfortable just running right in without any sort of formality.
Because He's your shelter. Under the strength of His protection, the enemy that violates you daily...is really nothing.
I know that all you want in this world is to feel sure of something. That through the noise of that unrelenting army of fear that you just want to feel safe, loved and worthy of rescuing.
But great news - He, the master of the shelter behind that door - he cherishes you. You are his absolute favorite. He is waiting to protect you, love you, save you.
Every.
Single.
Time.
You cannot exhaust Him. The door never locks.
But, it has to be your choice. So choose.
Get the heck out of bed.
Put the razor blade down.
Toss those pills down the drain.
Delete that impulsive text message.
Stop thinking about what's done.
And run.
It's a difficult run. You're going to get tired, and you're going to want to quit.
But don't.
I know you have experienced things that were not your choice. So believe me when I say this time you are completely safe and in control.
We cannot control medical diagnoses, or whether or not someone else chooses to be sorry....but our souls are free. He's preserved the most precious, eternal part of us in the center of the battlefield.
So run. Even though it's hard and it's easier to quit, don't. Fight to hold sight of that door.
You always have a choice.
No comments:
Post a Comment