Making the List

At church on Sunday, our pastor talked about being thankful for those God has placed in our life. In an instant I could mentally list dozens of people in my life that would make my list. Our church is filled with wonderful, humble, real people. Royal Stage has one heck of a leadership team/staff right now. Everywhere I look, there are people I admire and wish to emulate because of their love of God.

I also thought that it's likely I'm not on anyone's list. 

Someone told me awhile back that someone said I look unhappy all the time - that really hit me hard. That person hasn't known me long, and God has certainly been taking me through a journey where I have been becoming much more real and transparent.....but gosh. I don't want to walk around looking sad and, as she put it, "disappointed with life and the high expectations she sets." And what's funny, I think my life has actually been happier than ever lately. Do I still fight for peace within myself? Absolutely. But circumstantially - I have zero reason to come across to others as "sad all the time." 

Boo :( 

Oh wait. Dang it. I just did. 

I want to be on someone's list. I want there to be someone in the world who considers me to be an encourager, a good friend, an uplifter, a prayer warrior, etc. Not because I want them to think I am an awesome person, but because I want to point them back to Jesus. I want my life to glorify HIM instead of my own motives or emotions. And it sucks to realize I've fallen so short of that goal. I am determined to work on that - I need to figure out what exactly it is I offer this world, and start using it to the fullest rather than staying secluded within my own little world. 

Just for the record, if you're reading this right now and you know me in "real" life, you are definitely on my list. This time of year compels us all to feel more thankful for what we have - and even though I know I make fun of those sappy Facebook statuses, truly I am thankful for all of you that are in my life! Thank you for being there - even when I am apparently walking around looking dissatisfied all the time and have no idea.