Churchiversary

In coming across an old email, I realized yesterday had been a year since we first attended our amazing church. It has been a year filled with making new friends, allowing my heart to be healed and watching my kids be loved and embraced by a church family we hopefully will get to keep for a long time! 

When we left the church we attended for 7 years it was gut wrenching. It was probably one of the most emotionally difficult experiences of my life. I still have moments where I am hit with grief for the people we were forced to leave behind - it was all so sudden and not having a chance to say goodbye to people who were like family majorly poured salt in. My real family and all my best friends live hours away - it literally felt as if I lost my entire world. 

When we left, God gave us a wonderful congregation that served sort of as a "hiding place" for us. We love and 100% believe in that church. It had several other " refugees" from our former church that had left when we did - which was so comforting but did not allow us a way to properly heal. We needed a fresh start. 

Only I didn't want one. Despite the wonderful hiding place, I hated church. My trust was gone. I had a powerful resentment against church leaders. I was walking around with my heart in a million shattered pieces but was simultaneously trying to convince myself I didn't give a crap. 

The first time I went to Crossroads I walked in with cynicism and full intent to just go through the motions of the whole church game and attempt to make it out alive. 

A year later, my whole world has changed. 

So this Thanksgiving week, I am beyond grateful for a church family I never thought I would find. 

I'm thankful that: 

Our kids leap out of the car and RUN to the church, they love it and their friends there. 

It's the place I feel safest. My walls are gone, I feel like I have permission to be happy there. 

I'm not afraid of God anymore after years of functioning under an unhealthy, guilt-riddled fear. 

I have a pastor who isn't afraid to tell me the truth. I love that I can ask him questions and he won't sugar coat things. He'll tell me how it is and even when that's difficult to hear, it's invaluable. 

I have a pastor's wife that prays with me, who has come to be with me at a moment's notice during some really dark times and can impressively match me in sarcastic wit. 

I have made some seriously great friends who love The Lord above all else. I don't feel alone in dumb Sacramento anymore. 

Things I blamed myself for seemingly FOREVER - I'm free from. They don't rule over me anymore. 

There are people who know everything about me and still love me. 

I view God as a loving daddy instead of an angry punisher. 

I've gotten annoyed at people and they've gotten annoyed with me, and life goes on and no grudges are held. Things are healthy. 

I've gotten an entire year to experience church as God intended it to be, and I'm totally humbled and blessed by that. 

So if you're part of Crossroads, thank you. Because seriously? Yay :)