At times I cry because I am frustrated with the apathy of particular hearts, the thankless parts of ministry that come with the territory, the shortcomings I see within myself and places I desire to see the ministry go that I'm never sure we'll get to.
There are a lot of tears.
As I've likely mentioned before, this year's theme for Royal Stage is "Journey" and it has really turned into a focus on "coming home.". We've had people grow so much closer to Christ, we've had moments where God has encouraged us beyond belief....when we look toward "home" and focus on that, great things occur. It's been so exciting!
I think though, I've learned something about myself. Well, maybe two things.
The first is that I am a glaring example of the Peter Principle. You know that age-old philosophy that people who show up and work hard will be promoted to a level of utter incompetence? Welcome to my life!
RS was my 10-year plan, and when we left our old church it practically happened overnight, which has forced me to have a lot of on-the-job experience. I've done well at some things - terribly at others - and now, with our growth and various events going on, etc. - I feel like I've reached my official level of incompetence.
In a way, I am sort of glad. Because at this point in the game, I have no choice but to fully trust God and brace myself for his miracles in this ministry. He ALWAYS provides. It's sort of ridiculous, actually.
No matter how overwhelming ministry life gets, there is one thing I am certain of. No matter how many times I am criticized, I refuse to run out of grace. It just isn't going to happen.
I am not always a gracious person on my own, but because grace has been revoked from me on a few occasions when I really needed it, I am committed as a leader and director to make sure I check in with God to make sure I never run out.
This year has brought some "prodigal" performers to us. A few who have left only to return - some that possibly tried our patience, hurt our feelings, made things a bit more tricky than they probably had to be.......
I'm at a point right now where I am receiving regular criticism for allowing these people back. I'm a doormat. I'm a pushover. I have a cruddy memory for not remembering their offenses. So and so is only taking part because they want something. So and so is only taking part because they have something to prove. Etc, etc, etc.......
What's funny is, many of these critics seem fine with the fact I have "forgotten" theirs. Likewise, I must trust they have "forgotten" all of mine.
God has brought the story of the prodigal son up to me several times lately - in bible study, in my own quiet time - in a lot of ways I have become the prodigal child to my Heavenly Father lately in many ways. We've all been there. We have both been the faithful son and the wayward son.
So am I crazy for never closing the door permanently on a participant in Royal Stage? Maybe. But I firmly believe it's a crazy I can live with.
I don't know how long God will make me a part of Royal Stage's journey. As founder, it is obviously a huge piece of my heart. All I know is as long as I am blessed to be in this position - as crazy as it may make me at times - no one is going to run out of chances to interact with grace. Mine or God's.
We are all princesses and princes of a Royal King. It is not my job to take that away. I may talk straight, be firm, set boundaries some of you may not like. I may be a total marshmallow, hedge or break rules if I am having a weak day and am not so great at following the Lord myself right then.
But no matter what, you can rest assured that if you come to Royal Stage, it will always be a place where you feel welcome, safe and encouraged. Forgiven and forgiven again. At least to the best of my ability. And when I turn over my abilities to God, I know the capacity for grace is endless.
Because I've experienced it and it's saved me.
What's funny is, many of these critics seem fine with the fact I have "forgotten" theirs. Likewise, I must trust they have "forgotten" all of mine.
God has brought the story of the prodigal son up to me several times lately - in bible study, in my own quiet time - in a lot of ways I have become the prodigal child to my Heavenly Father lately in many ways. We've all been there. We have both been the faithful son and the wayward son.
So am I crazy for never closing the door permanently on a participant in Royal Stage? Maybe. But I firmly believe it's a crazy I can live with.
I don't know how long God will make me a part of Royal Stage's journey. As founder, it is obviously a huge piece of my heart. All I know is as long as I am blessed to be in this position - as crazy as it may make me at times - no one is going to run out of chances to interact with grace. Mine or God's.
We are all princesses and princes of a Royal King. It is not my job to take that away. I may talk straight, be firm, set boundaries some of you may not like. I may be a total marshmallow, hedge or break rules if I am having a weak day and am not so great at following the Lord myself right then.
But no matter what, you can rest assured that if you come to Royal Stage, it will always be a place where you feel welcome, safe and encouraged. Forgiven and forgiven again. At least to the best of my ability. And when I turn over my abilities to God, I know the capacity for grace is endless.
Because I've experienced it and it's saved me.
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