Here's Your Sign

I hear people say sometimes that if God really loved them, or if God really wanted them to follow Him, then He would show them a sign.

I used to wait around for God to give me my own burning bush, but I don't anymore. I realized that even if God were to do something totally supernatural to amaze me, that I am the sort of person who would try to reduce it down to some odd coincidence or scientific explanation - because really, God could not possibly love me enough to make contact with me directly, right?

Only He has. Jesus is our ultimate sign. And beyond that, if you really think about it, God has already given you your sign that He loves you. Are you breathing? Are you safe, warm, fed, clothed, sheltered? Then He must want you here, right? That's what I've been trying to convince myself of lately.

I often feel like a spoiled brat because really, God answers all my prayers (okay. exaggeration. but seriously a ton!). I look at Royal Stage and how every single thing we prayed for re: auditions was answered and provided for. I look at things in my marriage and with our children - bam. Answered. My work projects. Ta-da! Wanting a church that is genuine, loving and transparent - done.

I am so so blessed.  God's signs that He loves me are like wallpaper in my life - they are everywhere.

Which is why I can say so confidently that in the end, signs are not going to equate to our faithfulness to God.

Surrounded by that wallpaper of God's love notes, I struggle with some pretty dark stuff. I have a lot of battles to fight right now. I have a big past. And people can tell me until I'm blue in the face that God loves me - but until I believe to walk in that love....nothing amazing is going to happen.

I know I have to choose to follow Him - and I already do. But I also have to believe He loves me and knows what's best - regardless of whether or not I experience Him in the way I imagine. And that's a lot more difficult.