We Love Kindergarten

I love Sam's school. Sam loves Sam's school. I am so thankful to God that kindergarten has been such a joy. 

He loves to learn, so I knew Sam would enjoy going each day, but I wasn't quite prepared for the way he would run to his classroom in excitement. We love kindergarten. 

So thankful.....

This school was our first pick and our name came up on the waiting list 48 hours prior to the first day. It still amazes me how that worked out. 

Sam has the most coveted teacher. Ms Darcy is amazing - I am so impressed with everything. I love that Sam is learning from her. 

Sam is making incredible friendships. There is a little boy from our church in his class, which brought instant comfort on that nervous first day. And there is a sweet girl whose family also loves the Lord that he has hit it off with. Her mom commented on how these kids have found each other and how the friendships were clearly orchestrated - and not by us because we aren't even there! 

Sam has also made friends with a hilarious little boy whose family is from India and has a life dramatically different from him. There is also an autistic boy that I have witnessed Sam interact with. Such tenderness and acceptance.....I freaking love my kid. So proud of him. 

Happily, god is orchestrating friendships for me, too. Yesterday I was invited to the class for career week and taught a dance class. 

 

Can you spot the 2 year old photo bomber ;) 

Afterward I met the school's musical theater teacher - she's a christian and got excited about royal stage and all we're doing.  Then today I chatted for a long time with another mom who is also a christian. She invited me to a campus mom prayer group. She also told me the families participate in See You At the Pole - which is precious to me because I became a christian the night after going to it in high school. I can't wait to share that time each year with Sam and eventually Charlotte. 

I am really enjoying this new world. I am thankful my child attends a school with a library and an arts program, and that I'm encouraged to help in the classroom. 

We love kindergarten. 

Safe Place

I didn't want to go to bible study tonight. It's usually my favorite part of the week, and I just found out the church is open prior for prayer. I know this doesn't sound like an exciting evening for most of you who read my blog, but for me, I selfishly love Wednesday nights because I go by myself and am guaranteed at least an hour of calm and quiet, which my life distinctly lacks.

Tonight was a scheduling circus, and I had to bring both kids and didn't know what to make for dinner, and thoughts were swimming in my head that just tempted me to be away from church tonight. But I sucked it up and went, asked a friend there to watch the kids while I went to prayer, and then bible study as usual.

Going to prayer tonight was challenging for two reasons:

1) Sometimes I really struggle to talk transparently to God
2) I am a really bad listener

I went into prayer planning to ask God to help my best friend through some rough stuff, to help me with Royal Stage this or that, to continue to protect Sam's little heart at Kindergarten, etc. But when I got in there and sat down, my entire agenda changed.

I got things right with God and then just told Him I wanted to hear Him. That I would try my best to listen, and that my best really isn't very good right now, but I was there.

And all the world stopped.

I heard that church is a safe place. You can call me crazy all you want but I know that was from God because I would never, ever think that on my own. I can use a thousand positive words to describe church and the pros of attending one - but I would never choose "safe." I haven't viewed church as safe for years. 

This is a safe place I've given you.

So there it was again.

You're doing well. I'm proud of you. Keep going. You're doing better than you think. You don't see yourself the way I see you. 

What? Hello. These are not my thoughts.

And that was it. I've never perceived God as a Chatty Cathy, but maybe that's all He told me because He knows that's all I could digest/believe tonight. But it stuck with me. All through bible study as I sat with friends I didn't have six months ago, but now can't imagine life without. As I picked up my kids from the children's room where they were gleefully happy and interacting with adult volunteers that spent the night loving them.

Safe.

I thought about how I was able to text someone earlier that night about how something she said frustrated me - and that the fact I responded sassy was a good thing because I knew it meant I really did trust her and I didn't need to worry about her getting mad for my real response.

Church is not perfect. It's full of broken people, and anyone who has been a Christian for any amount of time has heard that cliche phrase time and again. But to believe it is a safe place again....it was like someone handed me a million bucks.

The Peter Principle and Prodigal Performers

I find myself in tears a lot over Royal Stage. Sometimes it's because I am so dang proud of the participants/leaders. It's pretty much a guarantee after a performance - some wires are crossed within me that cause me to want to burst into tears in response to the adrenaline rush of hours of work culminating in a successful non-disaster of an evening.

At times I cry because I am frustrated with the apathy of particular hearts, the thankless parts of ministry that come with the territory, the shortcomings I see within myself and places I desire to see the ministry go that I'm never sure we'll get to.

There are a lot of tears. 

As I've likely mentioned before, this year's theme for Royal Stage is "Journey" and it has really turned into a focus on "coming home.". We've had people grow so much closer to Christ, we've had moments where God has encouraged us beyond belief....when we look toward "home" and focus on that, great things occur. It's been so exciting! 

I think though, I've learned something about myself. Well, maybe two things. 

The first is that I am a glaring example of the Peter Principle. You know that age-old philosophy that people who show up and work hard will be promoted to a level of utter incompetence? Welcome to my life!

RS was my 10-year plan, and when we left our old church it practically happened overnight, which has forced me to have a lot of on-the-job experience. I've done well at some things - terribly at others - and now, with our growth and various events going on, etc. - I feel like I've reached my official level of incompetence. 

In a way, I am sort of glad. Because at this point in the game, I have no choice but to fully trust God and brace myself for his miracles in this ministry. He ALWAYS provides. It's sort of ridiculous, actually. 

No matter how overwhelming ministry life gets, there is one thing I am certain of. No matter how many times I am criticized, I refuse to run out of grace. It just isn't going to happen.

I am not always a gracious person on my own, but because grace has been revoked from me on a few occasions when I really needed it, I am committed as a leader and director to make sure I check in with God to make sure I never run out. 

This year has brought some "prodigal" performers to us. A few who have left only to return - some that possibly tried our patience, hurt our feelings, made things a bit more tricky than they probably had to be.......

I'm at a point right now where I am receiving regular criticism for allowing these people back. I'm a doormat. I'm a pushover. I have a cruddy memory for not remembering their offenses. So and so is only taking part because they want something. So and so is only taking part because they have something to prove. Etc, etc, etc.......

What's funny is, many of these critics seem fine with the fact I have "forgotten" theirs. Likewise, I must trust they have "forgotten" all of mine.

God has brought the story of the prodigal son up to me several times lately - in bible study, in my own quiet time - in a lot of ways I have become the prodigal child to my Heavenly Father lately in many ways. We've all been there. We have both been the faithful son and the wayward son.

So am I crazy for never closing the door permanently on a participant in Royal Stage? Maybe. But I firmly believe it's a crazy I can live with.

I don't know how long God will make me a part of Royal Stage's journey. As founder, it is obviously a huge piece of my heart. All I know is as long as I am blessed to be in this position - as crazy as it may make me at times - no one is going to run out of chances to interact with grace. Mine or God's.

We are all princesses and princes of a Royal King. It is not my job to take that away. I may talk straight, be firm, set boundaries some of you may not like. I may be a total marshmallow, hedge or break rules if I am having a weak day and am not so great at following the Lord myself right then.

But no matter what, you can rest assured that if you come to Royal Stage, it will always be a place where you feel welcome, safe and encouraged. Forgiven and forgiven again. At least to the best of my ability. And when I turn over my abilities to God,  I know the capacity for grace is endless.

Because I've experienced it and it's saved me.

It's the Little Things

I had just wrapped up lecturing Sam on the importance of only eating foods where we can pronounce all the ingredients, those that contain only colors God intended, etc.......and then I found Pop Rocks at Target.

As a product of the 1980s, I felt it was my duty to introduce Sam to the world of Pop Rocks. Healthy eating can resume tomorrow.

 

                                       
                                     

                                    

Here's Your Sign

I hear people say sometimes that if God really loved them, or if God really wanted them to follow Him, then He would show them a sign.

I used to wait around for God to give me my own burning bush, but I don't anymore. I realized that even if God were to do something totally supernatural to amaze me, that I am the sort of person who would try to reduce it down to some odd coincidence or scientific explanation - because really, God could not possibly love me enough to make contact with me directly, right?

Only He has. Jesus is our ultimate sign. And beyond that, if you really think about it, God has already given you your sign that He loves you. Are you breathing? Are you safe, warm, fed, clothed, sheltered? Then He must want you here, right? That's what I've been trying to convince myself of lately.

I often feel like a spoiled brat because really, God answers all my prayers (okay. exaggeration. but seriously a ton!). I look at Royal Stage and how every single thing we prayed for re: auditions was answered and provided for. I look at things in my marriage and with our children - bam. Answered. My work projects. Ta-da! Wanting a church that is genuine, loving and transparent - done.

I am so so blessed.  God's signs that He loves me are like wallpaper in my life - they are everywhere.

Which is why I can say so confidently that in the end, signs are not going to equate to our faithfulness to God.

Surrounded by that wallpaper of God's love notes, I struggle with some pretty dark stuff. I have a lot of battles to fight right now. I have a big past. And people can tell me until I'm blue in the face that God loves me - but until I believe to walk in that love....nothing amazing is going to happen.

I know I have to choose to follow Him - and I already do. But I also have to believe He loves me and knows what's best - regardless of whether or not I experience Him in the way I imagine. And that's a lot more difficult.

Invertebrate Day

On Tuesday, Sam came home with a Kindergarten class newsletter that mentioned briefly in an otherwise unassuming paragraph that Friday would be "Dress Like Your Favorite Invertebrate" Day.

Um, excuse me?

All week long, he learned about bugs, sea creatures, etc. - basically everything without a spine (except some select people I know, but whatever).....

I lamented about this odd assignment on Facebook and got a lot of feedback, most people voting for Sam to be a jellyfish. I was personally voting for a sea anenome because seriously, how awesome????

 

But alas, Sam is my simple child. Don't worry, in 3 short years Charlotte will be in the same class and will certainly want something ridiculously elaborate and doused in glitter....likely some exotic animal in the ocean that lives in complete darkness and has only been photographed twice ever.

Sam's final vote was for a killer bee. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he did not end up looking ferocious at all.

Happy Invertebrate Day to you  and yours.

Just When You Think You Reached the Bottom of the Crazy.....

Performing arts ministry can be difficult. Any ministry can be difficult, but allow me to be self-pitying for a moment and contest that performing arts ministry is a rare thing for the sole reason it is REALLY hard.

In ministry, you deal with plenty of broken people. In performing arts, you deal with a lot of ego. Combine the two and you occasionally get the emotionally crippled narcissist - and that can be tricky.

There are two times each year I've found this type of person to arrive in droves: the beginning of December and the end of the summer. Today is September 1st. There's a road sign in my head right now that reads, "You Are Now Leaving Crazy Town", as my mind follows a road toward autumn, hopefully without looking back.

We had auditions this past weekend, and the Lord answered so many prayers. We specifically prayed for skilled dancers and God delivered. I love being part of raising up the girls in both dance technique and ministry - but it is so nice when we get people who come in trained! Then we can focus on the important stuff!

He also provided a great leadership team for this season, along with the money to pay our next round of bills and led us to some new inner city outreach opportunities that are very exciting. And He has led me personally to India...which is a whole other email in itself.

I am so incredibly thankful for these things, and in the end it is exactly why I continue to soldier on during weeks like this where I am just straight up exhausted. Experiencing God's favor upon a ministry is one of the most exhilarating,energizing things in the universe. Good thing!

However, for this session of blog therapy, allow me to bring to light some common frustrations I feel on a regular basis. If you don't wish to hop on board the Complain Train, then stop reading now.

None of these equal a desire to quit, give up on God or even shed a tear. But prayers are still SUPER appreciated.

The Starstruck
They come in wide eyed and awkward - seriously, a 15 year old is the most beautiful creature. They are trying to find themselves, or rather define themselves, and they are getting so much of it wrong. But it's so awesome and lovely because it's theirs and it's God working through them - and I just adore the wonder and dreams that they bring to the table. Sadly, so many times their goal is to be famous. They see the admiration, glamor and attention and completely overlook the Lindsays and the Mileys. They are in Royal Stage because they want to reach celebrity status. 

Baby, this is not that road.

We promise to teach you dancing, acting, singing, art, self-confidence, teamwork, the power of God's awesome love, a safe place to grow into what you're called to be......and if we've done our job right, you will look toward THE Famous One instead of craving the lifestyle of an eventual fallen star.

The Stage Parent
They burst into audition weekend, complaining about how the studio was too hard to find, how they need to be at 10 million other appointments today so please skip their child to the front of the line, and ask my assistants where to purchase the items needed for the lead role their kid will instantly receive because they are the best. The ironic contrast to the Stage Parent is, 8 times out of 10, their child ends up being aloof, shy, uncooperative or outright confused as to why they are there.

Moms, please see "The Starstruck." And stop.

The Ditcher
This one stings to write about. This one hurts the most. This is the one where my humanness overcomes me and I can't put a positive spin on it, even though it's obvious what the praise is within it.

These are the girls who leave because surrendering their life completely to Christ is too hard for them. These are the people who spend years with you and then suddenly up and leave, moving on to something else without a goodbye. The ones who criticize your shows for being too "amateur", who say they admire your passion & drive, but are quick to point out your distinct lack of whatever.

And they walk.

You get Facebook posts on your wall from them occasionally. You'll hear from them when they need a recommendation letter for a job or college application. But beyond that, they are gone.  You rarely receive a thank you.

But in a way, these are the absolute best people to walk some distance with. Because it will shock you into reality and remind you every. single. time.......it's not about you. It's about God and glorifying Him....if we received the thankfulness and praise we craved, would we still honor Him and give the credit where it is TRULY due?

 the only thing to do is dance forward.