Parenting Fail #850390985

Yesterday I surprised both kids with a Valentine's balloon. Sam's was a mylar brown bear holding a heart, and he kind of loved it. He tried to take said bear to CBS, and to the store, and even into the bathtub. He couldn't bear to be away from his bear ;)

This morning as we were leaving for preschool, he carried his balloon outside as I was loading up the car. I quickly told him that I told him if he did that and happened to let go, then it would fly away forever. Of course, he said "no it won't" - because everything is an argument these days - and I assured him again that it would.

Not five minutes later he had marched out the front door again and released the string. Within seconds it was out of reach so I made a big deal quickly saying "bye balloon! Have a nice trip!!!!" The kids both waved and shouted bye and were so happy for the bear's freedom - but then Sam asked when it was coming back. I reminded him what I had said about what would happen if he let go.

He got totally panicked and wanted to know what would happen to his bear. I didn't  want to tell him that it will burn up in the atmosphere so I stupidly told him it was going to heaven.

To which he responded "oh good! Jesus loves me he will make sure it comes back to speckle way again!"

When I told him it likely wouldn't, he was devastated and had a good cry. All day long, he asked me why God wasn't planning on returning the stupid bear balloon. "He HAS to, Mommy. If we pray, He will!"

Great. In one fell swoop my child had lost his beloved helium-filled valentine and also his theological footing.

The balloon came up again hours later. I had to substitute the Royal Stage kids' acting class, which Sam is in, and during prayer time he asked for prayer for the bear.

Tonight, I thought our balloon drama was finally a distant memory, but a short while after tucking him in, I heard soft cries from his room. These turned into full out wails, in which I heard through the snot and tears, "Ohhhhh my balllooooooon!"

Oh. my. gosh.

So I go in, stroke his hair and tell him that it's totally going to be okay - there are many other balloons in his future. Which of course led him to thinking I was going to buy him another one - which I am tempted to do, but also realize the importance of natural consequence.

Sam didn't listen.
Sam lost his balloon.
Mommy does not replace it.

But it was one of the first times I recall Sam being genuinely sad. Over a dumb balloon. But still.

I've seen him pout or fit over things - but this was genuine grief for his little bear who had floated off to "be with Jesus" and out of sight of our front yard.

Here's the deep tie in for you - obviously Jesus is not going to be receiving a mylar bear tonight. But God knows exactly where the balloon floated off to.

How many times have we let go of something and given it to God, and then not trusted Him to take care of it? How many times have we gotten ourselves into an absolute pit of heartache over the loss of something that was never intended to be permanent? Are the premature losses in our life really premature - or do we just place too much permanence in them?

Poor Sam.
Poor bear.
And poor us for not trusting God more with our losses - because perhaps if we did, there would be so much more to gain.