Little Bursts of Purpose

As I was driving the other day, there was a homeless man holding up a sign that said simply "HUNGRY." Homeless people are not uncommon around where we live - I usually drive past 4 or 5 on any given day as I drive from my house to Roseville. The down and outers form a little invisible divide between my home and everywhere I need to get to. We live on a street without any homeless people in sight, but close enough they're always on my mind. We've never seen a shooting on our street, but we know of many people who have - and more regularly lately we've heard gunshots as we sleep. I hate it.

They form a boundary line like a sign saying "You Are Now Entering Denial" whenever I try not to think about them. 

But, I love it. It reminds me to be grateful for how God protects our little family, and to remain aware of what's out there. That there's a need right in my own backyard.

I'll tell ya - from scheduling arts therapy classes for rescued prostitutes, teaching dance to a group of girls made up exclusively of those recovering from eating disorders, self-harm and sexual abuse, and working all winter with a whole crew of children who live off of food stamps and government housing....the reminders of the need become overwhelming at times.

I feel guilty buying my daughter a new dress. I feel guilty taking my son out to a special lunch. We aren't rich, we don't function beyond our means, but like anyone in the 'burbs, we can afford to do nice things. I don't understand why God chose us to be ones allowed to do that. Sometimes it makes me angry. Sometimes it makes me cry. I work hard to have it always make me grateful.

I'm often impressed by the creativity of signs homeless people come up with. Between growing up near San Francisco and living in an um, colorful region of Sacramento, I've seen the gamut of creative, witty, snarky, silly, rude, touching cardboard signs. I am way way way far from "street", but I do have some pretty good sign stories.

Which is why the fact this guy simply wrote "HUNGRY." caught my attention.

Project 365. It's always in my head. I wish it would just go away sometimes. I just want to go home. Why do I have to always have Project 365 in my head?

I ask myself, and then reach into the side console of my car where I know I stashed a $1 bill. There's also a 10 and I didn't realize it. Impulsively, I grab the $10 and stick my hand out the window. HUNGRY comes over to the car and gets it. He looks at it like it's a mistake. "Oh my GOSH!" he shouts, and then gives it back so I can see.

I am not thrilled with this, people. That's my McFlurry money for times of emotional need. But when I keep my hand out and look into his eyes, I see that my ice cream fund can stand to suffer a little.

"I want you to know this is because of Jesus." I don't even realize the words coming out of my mouth. "I want you to know He loves you. He does. What's your name?"

We're at a stoplight so he hurriedly tells me it's Jeremy, and his wife Sheila is across the street - I see a woman bundled up in a sleeping bag. He thanks me and tells me they are going to go get lunch right now. I tell him again it's all about Jesus, okay?

Who knows if he heard me. But I did get a glimpse of him running over to his wife, and seeing how relieved and joyful they were.

Over ten stupid dollars.

There is so much I can do in this world that I just don't do. It's so silly, you know? We could ALL do so much more. I'm relieved for days I can do a little. Even if it won't count for much in the end. I hope I helped for just that day.

I saw Jeremy and Sheila again the other night, in the exact same spot. She was in the sleeping bag and he was sitting next to her. I am praying for another opportunity to see them. If I do, I want to stop and hang out with them. Like I have time for that - but whatever. The world can wait. Because it's people like this that are GOD'S world. And I like hanging out there.