First Steps, New View

I had a brat moment today. They happen a lot lately, unfortunately. On the bright side, I kept it to myself and no one else fell victim to my little pity party of worry and resentment.

C. took her first steps the day after her birthday. We have little snippets of crappy, grainy cell phone video - but in real life it's a delight to see her on the go - exploring the entire world from another point of view.

I kind of identify with her - in a handful of days I will officially be a business owner. The ministry will stay the same, but we are getting our own building, and by law it had to be under the executive director's name, so here we go....2500 square feet of Royal Stage goodness, completely ours to use whenever we want. We've been praying for this FOR.EV.ER. So what did I do as I reviewed the lease agreement for MY DREAM COME TRUE?! I haI d my brat moment.

Even with the unbelievable discount we received due to our cause, rent still seems to high. It's stressful and scary - and many I love and revere tell me - "just trust God, keep the faith, and raise support!" So I've tried. We need to identify at least $500 more in monthly support - I've asked almost everyone. My list is getting smaller - the results have been minimal. An annual goal of $10,000 has brought in $400 or so of one-time donations. Crap.

So I complained - to myself, to Frank, to God. Especially to God. I try to be a good friend, I try to be there for anyone who needs me, I try to be obedient to Your word, God. So WHY IN THE HECK WON'T YOU HELP ME AND TAKE THIS FINANCIAL STRESS AWAY?! Why, just for once, can the success of Royal Stage come easily?

I was moping in the kitchen when I looked out the back door and saw Sam climb INTO his sand & water table, after I had just told him to stay away from it all together because the water was from that morning and pretty gross/dirty the way children's water toys get in this stagnant halt between spring and summer where they play outside, but not so enthusiastically yet.

To stop any medical drama in our home, I went outside to pull the plug on the table. Buckets' worth of water poured through the plug hole and Sam said "wow Mommy, look at all that water go!" The water was just pouring out of the table, funneling out of it and running all over the concrete. And it weirdly hit me.

All over the world, parents don't have clean water for their children, and there we were, dumping clean water all over the ground, wasting it without a second thought. I had just scolded my son for climbing and running around - and yet I know people this week who are only in their 30s and have become widows - and people whose children are very sick.

I cooked dinner for my family tonight - just grabbed things off of shelves and out of the fridge and then had to coax both kids into eating more.

How beautiful and blessed my life is. These simple things that we don't even think about - that we take for granted.

All this time I've been praying for God's abundance - trying to beg, barter and bully Him into giving it to me somehow....and yet I've blindly forgotten that He has already poured out His abundance in so many ways.

The building will be paid for each month. I am not sure how - but it will be. How could I ever doubt a Daddy that has never ceased to provide?

Stupid me and my brat moments. I hate them.