Mother's Day Extraordinaire

This was a wonderful weekend, and I am so grateful for Super Husband for making it so. Even when we argue or don't appreciate each other at times, this is always beyond clear - he is 100% devoted as a husband and father. And really, it doesn't get much better than that.

Mother's Day weekend was so sweet. I never thought I could get so excited over a flower made out of a doily until it was given to me by my 3-year-old.

I got to sleep in, was awakened to Sam shouting down the hall, "Is it time to wake mommy up for her pancakes now?!" And did I mention I got a HAMMOCK? Item on my bucket list since 1st grade fulfilled! I love my hammock. I am sure I will devote another blog post to it sometime this week - it's that special.

Sam had surgery for his urethral divirticulum on Wednesday, and by Saturday morning he was feeling good enough that we (we = Frank, while I tried to distract the hysterical little guy) took his catheter out and joined Frank's parents at a lakefront campsite near Apple Hill. The kids had so much fun and got so. dirty. Seriously, I had no idea that a human being could get this filthy, and unfortunately the pictures don't do it justice.

Then today happened, which also included a Mexican lunch and busting out the sand & water table Charlotte got at her birthday party last weekend. She turns 1 on Tuesday. These days are going by too quickly.

Oh and by the way, my kids did in fact wear clothing over the weekend. But the camera loves baby skin, what can I say?

 After the lake trip....dirty little knees.

 Dirty little feet.....

 "Hang loose, guys. Babies are washable!"

 And the bigger one had even dirtier feet...

 Oreo-Frito face...because there is no such thing as junk food on holiday weekends ;)

 The epic sand and water table. And my kids in their skivvies yet again...

          Getting to work....

                       Duplo man down....

                          My sweet little water baby.

It's going to be a dirty, soggy summer. Can't wait!

You Were (Are) Terrific, God!

Sam found my Freefall DVD. Funny thing is, I had completely forgotten it existed, and now for the past hour or so, I have been completely flustered and almost disoriented in my thoughts as I halfway watch it with Sam. For those of you who may not know, this was the last show I wrote/directed for CityGate Dance when I was @ UC Davis....aka the start of my love for dance + Jesus.

There were times I was so grateful to Rose for handing the ministry she founded down to me, and sometimes I thought I'd never forgive her ;) But all in all, it was the absolute best experience of my LIFE. But watching the video completely broke me inside.

I was freshly graduated from college, newly married, and it had been less than two years since I had been released from the hospital after a series of suicide attempts. There is no such thing as a suicide attempt, you know. It's remarkably easy to die. Suicide attempts = cries for help, and I was screaming. But things were better now - it was a beautiful sabbatical from depression and anxiety, and I was walking with God Every. Single. Day.

Sam watched the dances and kept saying "You were terrific, mommy! Just terrific!" (what 3 year old says terrific? He talks like a 1950s sitcom kid. But I digress...)......

In reality, the dancing wasn't super outstanding - it was in sync and decent, but it was so super obvious that every single person was dancing in absolute FREEDOM. I remembered all of the late nights (beauty of having all college kids in a cast - we could pretty much dance til 2am if we wanted to) when we would be on our knees praying for God to help us, inspire us, intercede for us. People came to the Lord at our shows, people could see how united we were as a group.....it was just awesome.

It also made me realize I have never heard a prayer even close to what was prayed during the CityGate years. This isn't to say that Royal Stage isn't anointed, or that the people there don't love Jesus - almost all of them do more than anything - but it was made abundantly clear to me that I have not asked God to use all of the anointing He has given me.

When we left our church awhile back, I was wounded. I am still wounded. People that should have stuck up for me didn't, people that should have been punished weren't, and blah blah whine whine because REALLY GOD you don't know how to handle things correctly, do you?!

What garbage. God is ALWAYS in control and ALWAYS just and ALWAYS sees both sides of things, even if we are not able to see the fairness in this world. But in the back of my mind, subconsciously without even realizing it, I have been thinking these things for quite awhile now.

And that cloud has become a part of Royal Stage. How could it not? If Royal Stage is my heart, and there is darkness and bitterness in my heart - justified or not - then something will be robbed from Royal Stage each and every time.

I am so grateful that God took the blinders off tonight as my little 3-year-old found an old, dusty DVD. And I think that Freefall may become the center of the Sunny with a Chance of Rapture script.

I want to go back to those days - not exactly how things were of course (well, maybe my skinniness would be nice...), but to that 100% clarity in what God wants - that passion to follow HIM above all else.

I am praying that God will tear down walls in Royal Stage - that everyone will be there for the right reasons, that we will be so thirsty for God's presence that nothing satisifies us except Him. That He brings us the exact people we need for  Season 3, and that we can raise money for our building.

And that we will truly dance in freedom. I want to teach the people of the new days about the feeling of the old days. Memories are already fonder than reality, but watching Sam exclaim "you were terrific, mommy!" led me to say again.....

You were terrific, God. You ARE terrific God. I love you and want you back.

CityGate pics:

April Showers of Little Victories

Zero percent. I do not enjoy those words. But at the same time, I know God has a plan. How can I NOT after the April I have had?

Into the Woods is over and done with. I have no photos. The show was wonderful - we pulled it off big time. Every criticism that we received, every fear people had - it all turned out to be the best it possibly could be. People told us that they have gone to see professional productions that weren't as good as ours, that we had one of the most professional groups in the region in terms of talent and countenance. Our teens really know how to speak well and graciously to an audience. Our adults are so gifted and passionate on stage...etc. etc. I am so grateful for these words that have gradually reached me - I am glad the ministry survived - because honestly there were times I didn't think it would. GOD prevailed. Crappy attitudes and twisted viewpoints were SQUISHED under the power & might of our surrender to the Lord. And we learned a lot. Oh heck, did we EVER learn a lot.

And for those of you who missed my singing solo on stage? Sorry. Can't exactly say maybe next time, because me singing in public is kind of like sitting around waiting for a comet. You're gonna be waiting a long time ;)

During the final prep for Into the Woods, I received an invitation to complete a 3-week trial with a web publication owned and operated by the New York Times. I was so insanely excited to be a finalist for it, and worked my hardest and prayed a lot. Prayed more than worked, sadly, because of all the Royal Stage stuff going on. Then I forced myself to forget about it and went off to enjoy our four awesome performances.

Then this morning I received word that I GOT THE CONTRACT! This is such a tremendous blessing to our family, and to my "career." I am so relieved and grateful for the time I've put in, and was even doubly blessed by the outpouring of support I got on Facebook when I posted about it. You all are the best! :)

Even though I've been published as a writer since 2004, I don't think I've ever "felt" published and legitimized with Web work until I found out I got this contract. I have a little cupboard filled with magazines and newspapers who have printed my work. I go to look at it sometimes when I feel sorry for myself and the perpetual fading of quality writing on PAPER ;) But now....the Internet and I are all good :) I will spend less time with the cupboard.

But now, there is a new problem. The zero percent problem. God COMPLETELY provided for our spring programs at Royal Stage. Completely! It was actually sort of amazing. But now we start over. Now we have a big gaping hole in funding where a building needs to materialize for us to rehearse in come fall. We have about 3 months to earn enough money to find a place to call "home."

I would give up all the writing jobs in the world to see this happen. And it's easier now than ever before to donate. It takes literally 2 minutes. Please help - because THIS in a lot of ways is truly my first love, and if you support me, you should consider supporting IT in either prayer or by pushing us closer to that building. Please forgive me if I sound ungrateful - it's just that it's so easy to do so much with so little. We aren't seeking out millionaires here <3

Look, I am even making the donation button PINK :)

Help Us Go "Home" 

Thanks guys, you are the best! 

Love My Boy

U Chun just sent me a batch of pictures from their latest trip to Disneyland. We didn't get to go, but Sam did! I just love my boy. I am so grateful for Frank's various family members pictured below with him - this kid was born into FUN!

11 Months

I would like to commend the monkey for behaving in these pictures. And Charlotte for at least not taking a nosedive off the chair until after I got at least a couple of mediocre shots ;)

She's standing, clapping, does a mean Itsy Bitsy Spider and can say mama, dada and bye bye. Harvard here we come! She also wakes up nightly to hit the bottle at 4am, and when Frank discovers I am only pretending to still be asleep and I have to get up and feed her, I don't even mind because I know she's my last baby and such a precious gift. Can't wait for the birthday bash! <3

So true - Oswald Chambers....

We all, with unveiled face, beholding . . . the glory of the Lord . . . —2 Corinthians 3:18

A servant of God must stand so very much alone that he never realizes he is alone. In the early stages of the Christian life, disappointments will come— people who used to be lights will flicker out, and those who used to stand with us will turn away. We have to get so used to it that we will not even realize we are standing alone. Paul said, “. . . no one stood with me, but all forsook me . . . . But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me . . .” (2 Timothy 4:16-17). We must build our faith not on fading lights but on the Light that never fails. When “important” individuals go away we are sad, until we see that they are meant to go, so that only one thing is left for us to do— to look into the face of God for ourselves.

Allow nothing to keep you from looking with strong determination into the face of God regarding yourself and your doctrine. And every time you preach make sure you look God in the face about the message first, then the glory will remain through all of it. A Christian servant is one who perpetually looks into the face of God and then goes forth to talk to others. The ministry of Christ is characterized by an abiding glory of which the servant is totally unaware— “. . . Moses did not know that the skin of his face shone while he talked with Him” (Exodus 34:29).

We are never called on to display our doubts openly or to express the hidden joys and delights of our life with God. The secret of the servant’s life is that he stays in tune with God all the time.

He Is Risen!

Happy Easter! It was a goodie!


Charlotte pretty much hated her Easter dress. :)


But she tried to be a good sport nonetheless.

My sweet ones <3

Feeling a little better!

Sam was positively zonked after the Easter party @ Miss Elisa's.


I planned a glow-in-the-dark Easter egg hunt for Sam. He loved it. Thank you Pinterest! :)
Same wall in the dark.

After finding all his eggs.

Miss Elisa's backyard is a blessing while we wait to get ours up to speed!
Aron & Charlotte....doing her Columbo face....

Saying grace before their lunch of Easter quesadillas :)

Look, Myriah! Someone let me write the names on the buckets despite my 3rd grade penmanship ;)

The big kids helped with the hunt.

I loved their happy faces when they ate the cupcakes we brought.

Went to an Easter event at a church by our house...now hold back, kids. This hugely intricate egg hunt was only for those 3 and under ;)

And he's off! Or rather, IN to the packing peanuts.

Charlotte was considered 3 and under too. And she went for it.


More eggs from our glow-in-the-dark hunt at home.

Bounce house!!!!!!!!

She got just as much of a kick out of watching her big brother.

Giant slide!!!!!!!

Easter baskets for the boy and for the girl. Put together by mommy but proudly sponsored by Daddy and Nonna.

Sam took a picture with a bear on Easter weekend. They had a dog, bear and lion....not sure if the Easter Bunny costumes were all sold out or if it was this church's attempt to keep things "un-bunny" in light of the importance of our Savior, but Sam didn't seem to mind either way :)

Hope everyone had a blessed and wonderful Easter weekend. Ours was such a sweet time with family, and seeing Charlotte's eyes full of wonder as she experienced the holiday for the first time. <3