Braver.

God has taken me on a bit of a crazy journey lately. There are a lot of things in my life that need to be handled in a way differently than they ever have been. 

A few days ago, God brought some real healing. Progress I'm so thankful for. And a verse I eagerly claim, and which I want to find some way to always hold on to when the storms come. Because they will. This isn't my first rodeo and it likely won't be my last. 

Tuesday brought victories, Wednesday produced more and Thursday the enemy got mad, mad, mad, mad, mad. 

He noticed something's up. He saw I was missing from his role sheet and now he's pulling out all the stops to try and get me back. 

But here's the deal. When you watch a horror movie, it can be very frightening. But if you watch it a dozen times, the fear lessens. You stop closing your eyes. You know what happens next. 

The devil has a roomful of ammo against me. But all his methods are repeats. I'm not allowing him to fire at me anymore. I can see him coming. I don't have to stand there and wait to get wounded. 

I'm not going to just be silent and defeated anymore. I'm well acquainted with that life and it isn't a pleasant one. 

Sometimes I get horrible panic attacks. My heart pounds, my skin tingles, I feel dizzy, nauseous, frantic, terrified.....but it's time for Satan to remember that God designed my body and he isn't allowed to have control over something he didn't create. 

A lot of times I have tremendous bouts of depression. My spirit is filled with so much darkness and despair.....but God has filled my spirit with visions of dances, words of encouragement - a great month ahead. The pain has to move on, because there are no vacancies here. 

My past loves to chase me down. It runs fast. Why do I try to beat it to the finish line? All I need to do is turn around and tell those lies that this isn't my deal. And stand firm. 

My Jesus will be there. I can do this.