What NOT To Do With a B.A. In English....

As I write this post, that hilarious song from Avenue Q is running through my head.

Well boys and girls, I can now officially tell you what NOT to do with it. 

Frank told me this morning to take the month off of all writing opportunities except for the two long term contracts that pay the bills, in order to focus on finishing the book. He's very obviously my biggest fan when it comes to writing, and who knows if anyone will read it but him! (Note to self: make husband a really great, bada** character....) 

Completely jovial at the prospect of dedicating the day to writing things I actually enjoy, I checked my work email. One publication I write for periodically yields emails from readers, both good and bad. Usually I take it like water on a duck - writing is subjective, so whatever. But I found it odd the subject of the email was regarding a community events piece I wrote. 

As it turns out, in the hustle last week to meet deadlines and balance my work with motherhood, ministry and sanity, I advertised an incorrect 4th of July event. The time wasn't wrong, the location wasn't wrong - the ENTIRE THING WAS WRONG. The venue I listed hasn't had fireworks since 2011. I have no idea how I did this. To make matters worse, I actually wrote an article last summer about how this long-time destination was ceasing to offer fireworks. Somewhere in my magical land of ponies and sunshine I had come across an undated press release (okay really, there's no such thing. I did not note the date), and advertised an event that did not happen. 

Based on the response I've received, it would seem approximately 1,000 people attended this fireworks "event" last night. Fortunately, the carnival and concert happened. The fireworks did not. Here's an excerpt from the email: 

Mine, & many others 4th of July fireworks show was ruined by you.

By the time we were told by a security officer that there was no fireworks display there, it was too late to go to another.

In comparing stories with others, I found at least 2 other groups that go their info from you. In all, there were about 1000 there to watch the fireworks. Seeing how you're the only one to list a fireworks display there for 2013 (Google search, first 50 results, with you being #2), I wonder how many of those 1000 people were there because of you.

This is extremely irresponsible of you. How much did you get for that article? $50? $100? Was it worth it to ruin so many people's celebration?

As the mother of two children, imagine my horror at this. As a person who makes a BIG DEAL out of holidays, imagine my dismay at this. In my mind, causing anyone to miss fireworks equates being responsible for political unrest in the middle east, global warming and the obliteration of the McRib at McDonald's....and then some. I flipping love fireworks. 

I. Am. A. Putz. 

I looked at my numbers and over 8,000 people viewed that piece over the past few days, and in a way it is strangely exciting to see that around 1,000 of those people did exactly what I said to do. Perhaps world domination isn't so out of reach after all. 

No. Not better. This sucks. 

So if you went to the event that shall never again be spoken of, I sincerely apologize. I am going to go stick my head in the oven now. Oh wait - ours is electric. Dang it, I cannot win today.