Fear Is a Crappy Driver

In the throes of my book writing. I know that sounds so ridiculous, because everybody wants to write a book, and what makes me any different? Absolutely bleepity bleep nothing. But for myself personally, it's begun a journey of some serious hindsight and recognizing truth for the first time in many experiences I've had.

I read this devotional last night, on the book of Job. How cliche of a Christian am I to turn to the book of Job during my own dark night of the soul? But really, this dude is the perfect example of "if I think my life is total crap, but it's okay because I know someone who's got it worse." Job's house implosion, slain children and head to toe boils make me feel better every time. He's like the patron saint of misery.

Anyway, here is what I read:
http://www.faithlifenow.com/blogs/gary-keesee/lie-about-job

I had never heard this viewpoint before, and I love it. I've thought a lot about God literally handing Job over to Satan on a platter, and know with my rational theological knowledge that it's all about free will, and Satan actually the ruler of earth, yadda yadda.

But to see that Job served God out of fear. That was new to me. Afraid for his children's salvation, giving God offerings out of fear....blurring the line between healthy "fear of God" and "fearing God." Job and I would've been BFFs.

Then his friends come along and try to talk sense into him.  It does not go well.

So what does God do? He reveals His goodness to Job. His faithfulness, his gentleness, his never-ending love for this boil-covered mess of a man who feels as if he's lost everything.

More years of my life have been driven by fear. My salvation moment didn't come with a fear-free lifetime pass. In fact, I dove right back into fear and stayed there. Sometimes (okay a lot of times), I'm still there.

Fear makes you think things are your fault when they weren't. I am thinking maybe that's because it's easier to control things and cope with things when you convince yourself you're calling the shots. Whenever a well-meaning Christian tells me "remember, the Lord's yoke is light", I want to kick them in the face. Seriously knock their teeth out because THEY DO NOT KNOW what I think, feel or experience.

But God does.

I've had a few key people in my life over time who say they are sorry or try to make me feel better by buying me stuff. I've never appreciated the sentiment, because it made my emotions feel cheapened, as if I were shallow enough that a stuffed animal or fancy dinner could sway how I should see the world.

Well.....hello ton of bricks hitting me as I realize I've done the same to God. I have believed I could buy His love through serving, serving, serving and apologizing, apologizing, apologizing. For myself and my actions. For others and their actions. For everything from here to kingdom come - I will fix it, I will take responsibility for it, I will carry it.

And through that, I've cheapened God's love. I took him from Tiffany's to Dollar Tree with my fear-based outlook. I tried to change how the creator of the universe saw me in my little world by just working a little bit harder.

God is good. God is nice. God is consistent and does not change. God does not want to see us with destroyed homes, dead family or super freaky skin diseases. He just wants us to be His kids.

I like that.

Let's just be free.