Run and Not Grow Weary.....

Dear world.

I am tired.

Not physically really, as I'm loving the 2nd trimester of pregnancy and getting things done!

But emotionally and spiritually, I am so stinking exhausted.

I do not know how to motivate people to step up when they aren't. I don't like the way we can have 30+ committed, awesome dancers, and the glaring minority who can act very blase and irresponsible kind of brings the whole group down.

I am at a loss as to how to do my part to get an audience for our upcoming performances when my friends and family are beyond sick of coming to dance events. Who can blame them? I've been doing this for awhile. And yet, it's one of the most important things to me, and they are the most important people to me, so doesn't it make sense to want to share it with them?

It can be disheartening to pour years into an individual spiritually, only to have them run off and disown all they've learned and experienced because it's the easy thing to do. It can make me very sad.

I am tired of the way sometimes people will come into our little fold, and spend the majority of the time looking down their noses at us. The attitude of an elitist does not fare well in ministry life. Jesus was far from elite. And he sure as heck did not care about perfection and esteem....and I am proud that we DO regularly perfect the things He DOES care about - love, respect, and a safe environment to grow.

I also love the victories. And the fellowship. And how we just have so much fun. I love the salvations that happen, the skills that are developed, the lives that DO change in a permanent way.

But it's hard. And I'm tired today. My heart flip flops daily. I don't know how to earn the money. I send out support requests...some are answered with a surefire commitment. The majority are straight up ignored.

I don't know how to gather an audience now that there is no home church ready to catch us. I am confident that this is the right direction, as we need to, in all times and seasons, be under godly, biblical leadership. But making the right choice really can make things seem more difficult sometimes. And kind of scary.

This is small time, I know. And I am even smaller. But I have a big God. So it will work out, right?

".....but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."