Ministry In a Fog

I feel like I've just been engulfed in a fog the past few months. Not the nice, pretty morning fog that I miss about living in the bay area so much, but rather the scary, sight-imparing fog that I hate driving in at night.

Royal Stage is well into its 2nd season now, and gosh, have we ever been through the meat grinder. Maybe it was because I shot off my stupid mouth telling people how EASY it was to run a non-profit. We had such a carefree first year - and then this year things changed....because we grew, more people found out about us, and money and resources did not fare well with demand. It feels like there are dancers, actors and musicians EVERYWHERE I look....very funny, God! This was my 10-year plan.

But at the same time, thank you. Thank you so much because this is my dream, and I think I would just wither away without it.

So in a nutshell, here is everything that has happened during our 2nd season:

- Auditions go great - run 2 hours late - too many people!

- Have to re-cast a few roles for spring production due to transportation issues

- We start offering classes to abused young ladies living in group homes in Sacramento - we've had as many as 20 come out for these, and there have been great reports

- Have to re-cast a few more roles due to a family issue

- Have to re-cast MORE roles due to not having the right fit or the right scheduling

- I am so desperate to not re-cast anymore, that I step in and agree to SING to avoid it!

- We have an amazing showcase, receive generous donations, and most importantly, the presence of God is truly felt.

- Still had to re-cast one more person

- Rehearsal space is lost

- Rehearsal space is re-obtained, plus a new spare one provided!

- Theatre booking falls through

- We book new theatre

- New theatre decides they want to do the same show we are doing, so they cancel us

- New theatre changes mind after my weepy and persuasive email

- orchestra member has regular rants and tantrums, which isn't relevant but really hurts my feelings.

- group of cast members begin campaign against me to change next year's show. ;) I am not even THINKING about next year's show!!!! So stop asking me, you crazy people!

- I realize how deeply in debt all of the changes have made us.

- I realize how much my family sacrifices so I can do this

- I realize how much I hate marketing writing, and how much I miss writing for God, be it the scripts again, or working on my book.

So, I've come to the conclusion that unless something drastic changes, I won't be able to do this again next year. It's my heart - it's my dream, and outside of my kids, it is what I live for. I am so proud of everyone involved in it and just love everyone so much. But finances are not keeping up with needs, and sanity is not keeping up to the demands such a program requires.

So if Royal Stage has EVER touched your life in any way, or really if I've made a difference in your life in any way, would you please consider saving the dream? Royal Stage is fine - we will be fine and survive, continuing to grow under God's covering.

However I know God puts people in our lives for a reason, and without you, things begin to crumble financially and logistically. We don't want to just "get by." And I will, most definitely, need to resign if I cannot raise support. I don't get paid anything, and I am fine with that. But I have to figure out how to be a good mom and wife if I am going to do all of this for free, plus work. I put in about 30 hours a week on Royal Stage stuff. And while I know God has undoubtedly called me to it, I also know that He wants me to be faithful to other areas of my life as well.

Please consider helping.

And if there is anything I, or we as a ministry, can ever do to help YOU - please let me know. Even if you don't help us. Because our heart to give does not change based upon what we get.

Please just pledge $10/month so I can spend my time writing about all of the GOOD things that are happening in my world, rather than the stressful and ugly ones <3 I don't like being this transparent on my blog - that is why I haven't written much lately. But I DO know that we can't make any progress unless we make it together!

Support Royal Stage here - it takes 2 minutes tops.

Love you guys! <3

10 Months Old

Mommy, we are DONE with the blocks. Spelling is for babies!

Here are our 10-month shots....with the blocks apparently never in the right order :) Ah well!

First World Problems

A lot of things this week have happened that have made me very hurt and angry. However, I know I am PROFUSELY blessed. So, to take the focus off of my personal hurts that will heal and/or work themselves out in time like they always do, I instead present to you, a shallow jaunt of a blog.

Tammy's Current First World Problems (Rated on a scale of 1 to 5 sad, tiny violins)

1) Birthday Cake Oreos

Okay Nabisco, seriously WHAT the heck?! Sorry, forgive my rudeness. Happy 100th birthday, Oreo! Now, you stupid jerk of a cookie company - a special flavor of Oreos that happens to be the flavor of my favorite food in the world worked into my favorite cookie in the world? That is just wrong - and information that would've been helpful to me BEFORE I made it a personal goal to lose weight.

Rating: TOTALLY 5 sad, tiny violins. Maybe more. I can tell you right now that this is my will power's kryptonite. As I wrote on a friend's facebook..."I have died and gone to heaven. And Jesus is surrounded by Oreos." - so if anyone wants to join me on the couch for some birthday cake Oreos and the latest episode of Dance Moms, feel free. Wear sweats, leggings or other pants paraphernalia that allows for an expandable waistline. I know I'll hafta!

2) Disneyland's Leap Year Party

If you haven't heard, Disneyland is staying open for an ENTIRE DAY. Or, as the commercial on their website so cruelly points out - Disneyland is staying open for 24 hours, 1440 minutes, 86,400 seconds of pure Disney goodness! And yes, east coast friends, Disney World is as well. I feel like my BFF Disneyland and I have drifted so majorly much since a) I did not know about this until this week, and b) because I am so not going!

Rating: 4 out of 5 sad, tiny violins. Because while the Oreos are not out of my budget right now, a trip to Disneyland so is. And, it does help to know that this event will in turn make hundreds of minimum-wage high school and college students miserable as they push through a 24-hour mouse fest with undoubtedly pressing crowds and a rapidly dwindling supply of Churros.

But still. Poop.

3) Hobby Lobby

Hobby Lobby, I freaking hate you. No, I love you. No, I hate you. I first encountered you in Arkansas and opened my big mouth to the high heavens about how this would be a GREAT store to have in California. "Come on, Hobby Lobby! Move into town and kick overpriced Michaels' butt!" I cried.

Now, there is a Hobby Lobby in Roseville - a hop, skip and a freeway merge away from us. I wished a pure wish, and the crafting Gods delivered. This place is stinking awesome - it's affordable, the selection is humongous, and I have crafted my way through Christmas, Valentine's Day, a couple of birthdays and just random Tuesday afternoons with Sam.

But, as I once learned after accidentally spending $85 at Dollar Tree, things that are affordable and fun aren't so inexpensive when you can't help but go wild. And as a bonus in Hobby Lobby's case, I have been consumed by crafting dreams and even waking up and checking my Pinterest at 3am when I'm struck with an idea. Facebook who?

So, Hobby Lobby has been stealing my time, money and healthy sleep schedule. But not my joy. No friends, never my joy. Frank is grinning and bearing through the random globs of dried glue gun and button/sequin carnage throughout our house as I live out my Martha dreams.

Rating: 2 sad, tiny violins. It's actually been a great outlet for me when my other great outlets (dance, writing, friendships) have been stressing me out. But, I do have SOME self control, and I do not own a credit card (Thank you Jesus!!!) So Hobby Lobby has left me with some stinging lust and jealousy, but I'm getting through.

4) My children
They are precious, polite, joyful, adorable and love to cuddle. They also wake up at 5am. Or, they go for what I like to call the Warta Offspring Slumber Remix - go down at 8, wake up at midnight, go back to bed, wake up at 3, then wake up for real by 6:15.

I love my kids, but come on guys! I remember the days when we used to sit around Sam's incubator in the NICU and just wait with great anticipation and excitement for his eyes to pop open so we could interact and bond. Now the kid is so dang bonded to me that he cries at the bathroom door if I refuse to let him watch me pee. So, needless to say, I am not too thrilled on occasion to see him at 3am.

And Charlotte, you are still too young and cute for me to pin anything on you other than the fact your sleepwalking roommate with his shouting-volume-only voice is disturbing your peaceful baby slumber. But I'm watching you, girlfriend.

Rating: No sad, tiny violins. Because really, who could be upset at this?

5) Attempts to Improve Things That Worked Just Fine
Facebook, already installed Apps, freeways clogged with traffic congestion due to an "expansion project", the new McChicken bites at McDonalds, and the invention of Captchas.
Rating: Can I just gather together multiple sad, tiny violins to form one giant, super violin? And then throw it?

Thank you for reading my first world problems list. And really, in all sincerity,it's best to stop and take into consideration what and who is truly valuable in one's life. There is always something to be thankful for. “Better a handful with quietness than both hands full, together with toil and grasping for the wind.” (Ecclesiastes 4:6)

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6)

“And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” (Colossians 3:17)

<3

My Two Happy Hearts

February was fun....and now it's almost done....

Making socktupuses (socktupi?)

At Disneyland with Nana and Aunt Denice



Grew a tooth but is always trying to hide it

Made the monthly block picture much more exciting.

A happy face to always greet me.

Typical early morning.

Red velvet pancakes for a special Valentine's Day treat

Painting the tub with colored shaving cream


Big girl <3

Overly Blessed Slacker.

I suck at blogging now. There is no excuse for me. I am just so, so busy. But people, life is good. SO good. Because God is good. So even when I am not good, He is always good! But I've been good too....so that's been good :)

I have been just broken before him the past few months. I've felt like this exhausted wind-up doll who just could not break free from the burden of running a ministry, raising a family and maintaining a writing career - all of which seemed to suddenly be bigger than me. And I am an "I can do it myself, dang it!" kind of girl, so it is really hard for me to let go and let God.

So many Christians say to just do that, but come on....none of us ever do, right? But I just laid it all down in front of Him, gave him my junk pile of joys, fears and dreams...and then there was such a release, I cannot even describe it. And I was reminded of why exactly I love Him.

And even if He hadn't decided to take it away, even if it all piles up again (and it will), I know that I am safe. I am okay. I am loved.

God is just making Royal Stage stuff fall into our lap - rehearsal space, potentially a building of our own, cast replacements, a crew, a music teacher, dance teachers, and a FLIPPIN' ORCHESTRA. I mean seriously, there is a nice Guy up there that wants this all to happen, and for that I feel so tremendously humbled and blessed.

And sort of terrified. In a good way. I think.

How 'Bout THEM Apples?!

You guys, God is good. I mean, He's a really, really nice guy! When I woke up on Saturday morning, I was full of dread for the day - I knew Royal Stage was in crisis on varying levels - and it was time to share them with the spring cast. I wasn't looking forward to it. But, some great opinions were given, and more than anything, I think that we solidified ourselves as a group that prays continuously and effectively.

Because by Tuesday....drum roll please....

• We were supposed to give up our gorgeous studio space to save money, but then we received the blessing of someone providing ALL the money for our Feb and March rental!
  
• We had three holes in the cast of our show - God brought people to fill them ALL in a single weekend. And they are really talented too!
• We were down to our last dime for spring, and needed to still figure out a way to pay for sets, and a bay area high school just agreed to give us ALL their set pieces after they do Into the Woods in March. Woo!

I was so saddened, thinking we had make poor decisions this spring - but then God BROUGHT IT! I love Him.

And, as a side note, even if He chose to not help us at all - I would still love Him.

Soccer Star Sam

When you turn three years old, the whole world opens up to you. You can play board games, you can get your own water out of the fridge, and you can sign up for activities found in 2 whole pages of the local rec center guide. So I was pretty happy when Sam picked soccer....not dance!

He's been counting down to his first day for weeks, and I enthusiastically attempted to take pictures with my phone while juggling Charlie too. So...presenting Sam's first day of soccer in a multitude of blurry, crooked photographs.

He jumped right in!


Learning to "squish."


h

Learning to not use his hands. This was hard.




Listening to Coach Dawn


"Don't use your hands, Sam." "I'm not!!!!"






Sam! No hands!


Kind of over it.

Bringing it in


Pep talk from Coach :)

Sam's most adoring fan.

A stamp to celebrate completion of day 1.