Why You're Likely a Better Parent Than Me

Gather 'round boys and girls, and I'll tell you a story about how I may have set my children up for a lifetime of social ostracization for the low, low price of $3.00. And moms & dads reading this - congrats - you are officially a better parent than me. Frank is also relishing in the fact that he is too - or at least a quicker thinking one.

I pride myself in being one of the few and awesome that actually DO the things they pin on Pinterest. For the most part, it's gone okay. Charlotte had a fun lemonade & sunshine birthday party, Sam had a pretty exceptional glow-in-the-dark Easter egg hunt this past spring.....and a hit in our home has been the shaving cream painting. We did this earlier this year - see how cute? Right-brained preschooler heaven!

So today, we were having A DAY. And if you have little ones at home with cabin fever, you know exactly what I'm talking about. So I busted out the muffin tin, and started to spray shaving cream into the different holes, with my trusty food coloring supply by my side.

Official instructions: dye shaving cream with liquid food coloring, stir, and let kids go to town. It washes off and it's brilliantly fun.

What happened today: turns out I only had enough shaving cream left for one compartment. It's summer now, and I'm wearing shorts and dresses a lot - its all about supply and demand, people.

Oh, no biggie, I thought to myself - we are always getting lotions as gifts from people - that will work just like shaving cream!

This is when Frank first walked by my set up in the kitchen and gave me that concerned look he gives when I pick up stray dogs or start a craft at midnight for a baby shower the following day.

"Isn't lotion toxic? What if Charlotte eats it?"

I brushed off his concern -  "Oh, even if she does, one taste and she wont do it anymore!"

At that, he left me to my carefree lotion & food coloring bliss.

Here's the problem with Frank. He has this one HUGE flaw - he expects me to be able to make smart decisions all on my own. I really wish he'd stop that.

ANYWAY - lotion mixed into food coloring - brilliant, vibrant colors and two elated kiddos in the bathtub.

If you are a member of Frank's intellect pool (or really that of a goldfish..) you can see where this is going, and why you may not see my kids in public for awhile.

It started out adorable and just fine:

                                                    Aw she looks like a cute little bathtub warrior :)

                                         I let them paint me too! Fun fun!

Then while they were painting away, I went to wash my face off, because really, I am 31 years old.

That's when the panic set in:

 Because, hello, shaving cream has soap in it. Lotion has idunnowhat designed to ABSORB into the skin.

                     It's not coming off. Like, at all.

                     It was like pink, purple, and blue self-tanner.....

                    And I just dyed this precious being into a rainbow.

                         Live it up kid, your hand is gonna be hot pink and indigo for awhile.

                               After much frantic scrubbing, this is what C's leg looked like.

                             She kept trying long after I gave up. Poor purple kid. Her brother didn't look much better. She just got more picture cred because I'm too tired to censor out his manhood from the photos after all of that futile rainbow obliterating exfoliation.

So, my kids have colorful skin to match their colorful personalities. Sorry, Warta Minis. Mommy was wrong. From now on she promises to follow directions.

Update: Kids went swimming. The chlorine just ripped the rainbow right off of them. Which is awesome - never been so thrilled to see my kids natural paleness - but what is IN chlorine exactly? Sort of a different kind of alarming....