All Kinds Of Wondering

Tomorrow is the big day, where we will complete our family. It's kind of insane, the experience this time around compared with Sam. A hot, sticky July day, an early morning C-section after three days of heart rate scares and sobering talks with doctors.

Tonight, I am having an afternoon baby on a predicted rainy day, and I spent the day before getting a pedicure and going to the Cheesecake Factory.

I think I like this way better. :)

I have all the cliche worries swimming around in my head - probably some totally normal for someone who had their last baby hospitalized for three months, and some that are just plain wacko and unique to me.

** I hate pain. I am a wimp and a cry baby when it comes to medical procedures.

** I am convinced the baby is going to come out a boy, which means he will be nameless and be coming home in a hot pink polka dot car seat. Crap.

** I would like for my IV to not fall out, please. See thought #1.

** I'm afraid I don't have enough love and energy for two kids, and I will never sleep again.

** I want so badly for the baby to come out screaming its lungs out, pink and healthy. And I don't want to wait 12 hours to meet her, or wait 5 days to hold her.

But then there are all the good, overwhelmingly wonderful thoughts that counteract the bad.

**I wanted a boy, so when it's a boy, I can let go of my girly dreams and go back to the more practical plan. We have been given over 50 pink outfits from various people...hope I kept all the gift receipts! :) :( :/

**GOD is so amazingly faithful, and has filled me to the brim with joy. I do not need to be afraid.

**Sam is the most remarkable, loving, hilarious and special person in my life. I am so excited to have a sequel!

**I get some peace and quiet with Frank tomorrow before the birth :)

**I am so honored and humbled that God has chosen me to be a mommy.....twice!

I am so excited for tomorrow - I am grateful I have Him to trust through surgery, recovery, and starting all over again as a mother to one of His precious gifts.

May Fifteenth is going to be a beautiful day. One of my favorites forever forward.