Delight of My Heart

God and I have learned to laugh together.

That may seem an odd statement, but for so many years I pictured God as someone who was just plain mad at me. God never did anything to make me feel that way - but the world did. A lot. And I did it to myself, consistently being my own worst enemy, my own worst critic.

I grew up with a father who so desperately wanted me to be pretty. Even a couple of weeks ago while I was home visiting and was wearing a brand new dress for my baby shower, he said "Well.....you look fine, I guess. You just look so.....pregnant. Can you look less....big?"

Thanks, Daddy-O, just what every 8 month pregnant lady longs to hear!

I've never had any self esteem to spare. I grew up believing to improve oneself from the outside in, and basically sucked at it.

I could share my lunch, lip gloss or life story with you - but it's truly been an uphill battle getting to love who I am. Imagine life everyday with the person you consider to be the ugliest, meanest, most annoying person on earth. That's what it felt like walking around with myself.

But the past year has really been a journey of living to laugh with God. I'm embracing my imperfections and realizing you really don't have to ever be flawless in order to be impactful.

I've gotten brave.

So now, I am relishing in God's joy. His joy in my learning His true character, and in guiding my steps as I have just experienced so much this year - and oh wow is that "experiencing" going to continue in May!

Baby C is going to be with us soon, soon, soon! And in typical insanely-scheduled fashion, I am directing a show that closes 8 days before our delivery date, and teaching dance and creative writing to 4th-12th graders at an academy until 3 days before D-day. Can we say stupid idea? But really, still so much fun and amazing.

If you can, please come see Counterclaim. I know the promotions and invitations get tedious, but I really do just love this show so much. Like I said, I got brave this year. The writing of the script is an example - I'm not afraid to make people uncomfortable or mad. I am fully charged to show them God's love.

theroyalstage.org = CHEAP tickets. Embarrassingly so. Not sure what we were thinking. Take advantage.

I love feeling loved by God. Working in ministry continues to teach me the importance of developing rhinocerous skin and a marshmallow heart. It shouldn't be any other way. And being a mommy has taught me the importance of just entering into Christ's acceptance and love with unabandoned joy.

Just like a crazy happy 2-year-old.