With a Cherry On Top

The new blog. Ta da! Why?

In the past three weeks, I have resigned from a job I loved, walked away from a ministry I loved even more, and lost one of my best friends with absolutely no explanation as to why. Throw that in with a canceled trip to New York and a rapidly deteriorating grandmother, and you would think my life would be as grand as moldy cheese and linty suckers.

But can I tell you something? I feel more peaceful than I have in years.

Change is scary. Even Sam can tell you that as he's learning that now we expect him to learn to swim instead of just clinging to the familiar comfort of mommy in the water...but change can also be so good. So liberating. It can remind you of who you are, and who I am is God's girl.

I love that.

Lately, I've been tantruming. Yes, I have been crying and full out SCREAMING to the big J.C. asking Him why things had to end the way they did. "But it's not FAIR" I complained to him. "I HATE change!" I whined.

He was straight up silent. No answer to my prayer, no healing where I needed it, nada zip.

Well maybe this God thing isn't for me, I thought. I've served Him and I've tried my best to love, and now I just feel lonely and rotten and confused. I was on the brink of allowing my churchless self to transform into a Christless self, and began to welcome back things into my life that God had long since taken away - abusive family relationships, embracing dark tricks and lies, etc. into a laundry list of "stay away"s that suddenly seemed to make more sense than being a church girl.

But then I remembered Jacob in the book of Genesis.."I will not let You go unless You bless me!"....and then I held onto God tighter than I ever have before. Why not, right? He was all I had left. And then things started to happen.

It would be easy to say that I annoyed God into giving me what I wanted - a shark bite hold onto the creator of the universe until I was granted my three wishes - but that isn't what happened at all. Instead, one of my most important friendships is still dead, my family is still crazy, and I still haven't gone to New York, but this is what DID happen....

I continued my prayer to God that all I want to do is dance for Him. To bring creative arts to His altar and for it to become something that transcends entertainment norms and blesses people, redeems people, adds to the Kingdom's population.

And then - sha bam! - the non-profit idea that I had been sitting on for over two years is picked up by amazing, influential community members. We are launching in August, and the sky seems to be the limit. I ask God to open a window and he is flinging open door after door - heck he is knocking down walls!

I am so excited :) I was so busy clinging onto my personal purpose that I lost complete sight of GOD'S purpose for me, and oh that is just so much better, you know? God is our perfect dad who knows what's best for us, even when we tantrum. I was safe hanging onto the familiar safeguard in the water - I hated the thought of swimming.

But now that I've started, and Jesus is back in the water with me (did he ever leave?), I could freestyle it up for miles.

So hence, the new blog. Fresh start, honest words.......I will undoubtedly become a church girl again soon. That's fine - I happen to like it that way. But I hope I never forget again that I am God's girl. Because if sitting in a building on a Sunday morning is a scoop of ice cream, then trusting the Father wholeheartedly 24/7 is a massive sundae, and He wants to be involved with every detail right down to the cherry on top.

Dig in. Life is delicious.